I hope they remember things like this and not my obsessive cleaning.

--me at around age four--

For those of you who know me at all or have visited my house you know how I heart clean. Oh, how I love clean. I want to sit and write love songs about clean. It just soothes the savage beast within me. According to my mom and my many many memories of childhood, I just came out this way. My mom remembers often coming home to find that I had organized, cleaned and re-arranged her furniture. Funny yes, made even funnier when you factor in the fact that I was five.

My passion for clean grew with me. When I was a teenager I would enlist my little brothers to help surprise my parents on Saturday morning when they went on errands. Okay, pretty much only Josh would help. Jay would drag his feet and take ALL DAY to do one tiny little job (yes, I visualized hurting him many a time). One time I actually did and oh, it felt soooo good. I had just finished cleaning our huge family kitchen. Jay went into the kitchen to get cereal. In true Jay fashion he left the box opened on the counter top, rice crispies on the counter that he had spilled and even some on the floor.

Enter Jamie who was whipped from cleaning for hours and this, this was just too much. Jay was standing there over his mess smirking at me. So, I did what any reasonable person would do. I walked over to him calmly so as not to alarm him as to what was coming. My hand reached out beneath the cereal bowl he was eating from and guided it gently up towards his face. Jay was covered in milk, rice crispies and. . .shame. Boo-yah.

Yes, I had to clean that mess up too.

But boy it felt good. Still brings a smile to my face. Jared and Justin would try to help clean but they were both so young that they made a bigger mess by trying to help. Occasionally my older brother Jason would help but usually he didn't, he wasn't about to let his little sister boss him around after all.

Funny thing, once I left for college and got married shortly after both my parents shared how much they missed me being home. Independent of each other too! I was touched, then they expressed how the house just hasn't been the same since I moved out. Oh! You miss, Jamie the maid, m-kay. Yeah, I thought that was a bit too touchy feeley for you dad. :)

All this to say, I heart clean, always have.


Well those of you who have little children (who aren't weirdos like me) know how they heart messes. They love to help cook, do crafts with glitter and glue sticks, build forts all of the living room pillows and leave toys always within close reach on the floor scattered throughout the house. I mean who knows, they could get a hankering for playing with that toy car and barbie while in the guest bathroom. Good to be prepared, and leave it on the floor, just to be safe.

Enter the struggle. They are all working together to mess make and I am alone in the dark and dreary world trying to keep clean. CLEAN!!! I could look at the positive and remember, they are at least working cohesively on something. Without fighting too! But, I am me and thus I cannot. So, I walk around all day, everyday picking up that barbie doll and toy car. I give out chore lists when they get home from school and generally ask them to put away this or that about twenty times a day at least. You may think I am exaggerating. I AM NOT. And that is the sad part.



I know that my passion for clean is probably a wee bit over the top. It's my problem, something that I try to be aware of and intentionally compensate for. I'm like a crazy person, doing self talk.

. . .(In my mind)

"Good mothers let their children cut out the cookies and decorate with sprinkles."

"Good mothers play in messy rooms with their children without trying to clean them up at the same time."

"Children have happier childhoods if they are allowed to paint on perfectly clean kitchen counter tops."

"Children who get to add the ingredients to recipes commit less violent crimes than those who didn't."

"Children who were able to quickly find toy car and barbie on bathroom floor are less likely to view porn."

But seriously, I am trying. Trying to remember that they are young for such a short period of time. That soon, no one will be fighting to add the eggs (eggshells included!), or want me to play in the fort of pillows they created in my perfectly clean living room. That what we do together each day slowly, gradually, day upon day forms what kind of person they will be. How they look at the world and treat others. How they will feel about themselves.

May sound like a bit of an overstatement but, I know that it is not. That as a mother, these precious years we have together are critical. These are the days that I have real, lasting influence over my children. And if I spend all my time tidying up to have my precious CLEAN! I will forever lose the most important opportunity to make meaningful impacts in the lives of the people I love the most.

So, that is why I try, and fight against my natural desire for CLEAN! Forgoing what I think is most important today (CLEAN!) for what I know is what is most important forever, my babies. That, I alone as their mother have the opportunity to do more good through how I choose to spend my time.

As was said in the movie Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, "Choose, choose wisely."