Possibly the worst apology in history.

A few weeks ago Luke received the greatest worst apology ever.

Owen, Luke and one of Owen's friends were all out swimming in the pool. *Screech* Mothers know many screeches, which family members they arise from, and what offenses cause them. This screech was from illegal use of force.

It's dangerous to use excessive force against Luke. You hurt me?! As Luke sees it, he's authorized to inflict serious harm on you if you violate section you lay a hand on me and you'll regret it, subchapter 2. Hate to do it but thems the rules and we don't make up the rules.

Owen and his friend, SmEli (names have been changed to protect the guilty), come racing to the door shouting that Luke had attacked them. (Rookie mistake. The guilty usually are the ones yelling the loudest.) I begrudgingly referee the proceedings. Sometimes I mediate, usually I don't, but here I had a sneaking suspicion that poor Luke was simply following section 29.2-18 of the above referenced law.

Owen and SmEli made the same argument: I was doing nothing and then Luke just attacked SmEli.

I gave them my best Gary Coleman-look--what you talkin about Willis?--to best solicit the truth when SmEli's conscience attacked . . .  but only a little.

SmEli: Luke had the noodle and I wanted the noodle so I asked him to give me the noodle and he said no, so I strangled him.

I laughed at this and said, HA! You took on the wrong kid! I looked at his back all scratched up from Luke and told him, Luke isn't exactly the turn the other cheek kind of kid; now apologize.

SmEli: Luke, if I strangled you, and if that bothered you, then I'm sorry.

Classic.