The Stars at Night. . .are big and bright.

They are trying to figure you out, Jack.

2012-01-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

How about you do all of us, especially Dr. Alkon a favor and give us a clue.

For the past 48 hours Jack has had an alarmingly high heart rate. They worked on him for hours yesterday trying to slow it down. They think they understand why it is high; but it isn't responding to the medicines like it should. So that is confusing for them.

Occasionally after such a major repair the heart swells and that causes irritation between the sinus node and the av node. Thus creating confusion with the heart rhythm. This what they believe is happening. Though this far out from surgery it is not typical and it generally responds to the medicine to slow the rhythm. So, everyone is kind of stumped. And, it's been too long at this high of a rate 160 beats per minute when he is sleeping and between 160 to190 when he is awake.

Ugh.

Don't set limits on this boy.

2012-01-28T11:03:00.000-08:00

Absolutely every step of the way Jack has dramatically exceeded my expectations. And, my sweet son, we need you to do it again. I know we are asking you to be strong and to do more; but more, you must. Your heart rate has risen dramatically and is ticking away at 180 beats per minute. Please, chill out; take a chill pill.

Mmm-kay?

Also, tell your mitral value to stop misbehaving. That'd be swell.

Jack's mitral value's leakage has increased more than they would like. It is causing his heart rate to rise and beat rapidly, consistently. I asked the cardiologist if it was possible for it to go back to minimal leakage (which is what they left the operating room at).

Dr. Alkon reported that it was possible.

Not satisfied with that answer I asked if it was probable.

Dr. Alkon hesitated and said he didn't want to say.

. . .this isn't terrible, but it also isn't good. It has opened the door to the possibility of going back in and replacing that valve.

But, I know my boy. He has defied the odds every single step of the way and I know it is within him to do so again.

. . .come-on Jackie boy!

Carry me through.

2012-01-27T21:57:00.000-08:00

Today was good; hard moments though. Difficult to stand idly by while your child is in pain, especially difficult to sit and watch them suffer knowing that it is ultimately for their own good. If we give Jack too much morphine then it snows him and he doesn't breath well. If we don't move and adjust him here and there then fluid builds up around his heart and that's no good either.

So we do the things to him that hurt and we don't give him everything we can because we love him and we know what is best for him. But, we don't ask him to do more than we know he can do. We believe in him, rally around him and feel just plain awful watching him struggle with what we are calling upon him to do.

Sound familiar?

I swear, the plan of salvation similarities are just too good for me to ignore. We are all here in this mortal state, being called upon in different ways to do hard things. Things that we beg and plead with Heavenly Father to just take away. Make it better. And sometimes he does,

. . .and sometimes he doesn't. And them's the brakes. No amount of anger, resentfulness, pleading or bargaining will change the fact that we are all subject to the will of a loving Father in Heaven.

Here, in this moment though there is a tremendous opportunity. Opportunity to draw nearer to God; to come to know yourself and his ways more intimately. A chance to rely on something bigger than you. Your chance to show that you trust and believe that our Father in Heaven knows you and loves you personally. That he knows your sorrows. Once you do this, submit to the will of the Father then; that is the moment where your capacity to accept and feel the strength of the spirit can grow immensely.

Submitting to the will of the Father is part of it, the other part of it is in the asking; prayer. Our prayers and the prayers offered by many on our behalf. What a difference this has made, all the difference. Asking for help, understanding and strength to endure. These past days in the hospital have been hard and at times just downright awful but they've also been incredibly wonderful. We have seen miracles, felt the strength of the spirt being poured out over us and then that same comforting spirit has resided mightily with us, carrying all of us through these times.

These people.

2012-01-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

Are. . .totally AWESOME!

Here is the lead surgeon, Dr. Derby, doing a stop and check this afternoon.

Medicine is one of the lucky professions that actually mean something to people. We are just so incredibly thankful for modern medicine and the people who dedicate their lives to it. They give so many years of their lives to becoming proficient at their chosen field of work. Then they continue by giving long hours; working through exhaustion and stress.

The level of intelligence, diligence and just plain hard work they give is awe inspiring. We just couldn't be more grateful for them and the future they have blessed Jack with.

Here I am with Dr. Stock, Jack's cardiologist. We've become quite acquainted over these past months. I started going to him when I was pregnant and then once Jack was born about every two weeks.

This post just wouldn't be complete without a shout-out to all the nurses. They are amazing. They buzz around the room completing all the many many tasks they are to do. Jack has thus far been on a one to one nursing level. Meaning his nurse only has him for a patient.

All of yesterday and until just lately here we've had a steady stream of about six different people at a time working on our dear Jack. This past couple of hours it has slowed down a bit. So that's nice. They are an incredible team, this entire floor is only pediatric ICU heart patients. They work amazingly well together, everyone has their specific job and seeing all of them doing it with such speed and precision is something.

My last post I wrote a bit about the trouble Jack had coming off the ventilator. We only saw them in action for a brief moment but they were a moving! Around twelve different people all working together with such precise determination all towards one goal. It is a sight. And also terrifying.

Chad asked Dr. Grimaldi how she would rate Jack's recovery,

"gold star, but that can change at any moment. We are all very very happy though, he has done remarkably well."

Through the forest

2012-01-26T10:45:00.000-08:00

A little excitement around here, they've taken the endo track ea tube out. And he liked it in, so he decided to stop breathing as a protest. I happened to be in the lactation room at the time, I come out and see my friend briskly walking away from Jack's room with tears in her eyes.

Then I walk further down the hall to see about a dozen people working on and bagging Jack.

Um, cue sheer terror.

Dr. Grimaldi looked up at us and said, "everything is under control, but please let us do our jobs and go out to the waiting room. I'll come for you once he is stable."

We went out to the waiting room and waited. I think we all felt concerned but also knew that this was just part of the process.

Dr. Grimaldi came out about fifteen minutes later and invited us back into the room. Told us he was fine that she didn't re intubate him, that he pulled out of it on his own.

Chad told her that he could tell she meant business because she took off her white coat. She smiled and said that she has a couple of levels for changing depending upon how concerned she is. The first level is removing of the white coat, then the next level up is pulling her hair back.

I looked over and noticed that her hair was pulled up in a sloppy ponytail.

So, things are still good. Chaotic though. Lots of people working on him, hovering over seeing to his care.

He is resting comfortably now though. Another deep breath.

Unusual anatomy.

2012-01-25T14:50:00.000-08:00

I mean, you know how the Meads roll after all. Why in world would we start to do things 'normally' at this point.

I've talked to I think five different members of the team now and all of them have confirmed that they have never seen anatomy like Jacks.

I could have totally called that one. I mean once they saw the wristband and saw the last name Mead, they should have called their bookie. We're that awesome.

But seriously, things could not have gone better. Jack's heart repair was a Tetrolgy of Fallot and an AV canal. But it wasn't a typical AV canal as it was missing they 'typical' top portion and the bottom instead of missing was turned inward like a 'v'. This complicated the repair of the Tetrolgy for the surgeons as it moved the VSD hole up and at a sharp angle. Dr. Derby said they were almost standing on their heads to get into the correct position to even see what they were working on.

But they did it, all of them: Dr. Derby, Dr. Nygro, Dr. Morrell, Dr. Stock, Dr. Ellsworth, Dr. Grimaldi, all of the nurses and wonderful support staff. They give the term professionals a higher meaning.

Each one as we've spoken about the surgery are practically beaming. They are so happy with how well it went. The first doctor said the outcome was nothing short of a miracle. An incredibly complicated, unusual repair followed by an outcome they say you dream of.

Which is awesome; cause we've got us some big dreams for this boy.

Exhale

2012-01-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

Jack is off bypass. Should take about an hour to close. All is well. Ran into cardiologist in the hallway, none of the team had ever seen a heart like Jacks. He said it was an incredibly difficult repair, but that Jack was amazing. Stable the entire time. Not even one moment of deviation. More info to come once the surgeon finishes and comes to see us. Cardiologist said that you couldn't ask for a better repair. Miracle was the word he used.

. . .that's our boy!

Hold my hand.

2012-01-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Four hours in and there is a steady calm surrounding us. There is the quiet hum of people carrying on around us: the waiting room television, a couple of quiet whispers of other parents, a stray phone call.

Moments like this make me think of a saying you've probably heard before:

'Be extra kind to everyone you meet because about half of the people you encounter are in some sort of crisis. So you'll be right about half the time."

How true that is. What does this the extra bit of kindness cost you? Hold eye contact for a moment, accompanied with a smile, to communicate,

"I see you."

People suffer, but we march on, often unaware of a stranger's pain, sadness and worries. Simply by taking a moment and giving a kind smile or word can ease a burden. I have been humbled to be the recipient of so many of these gestures. They have indeed made a difference. As I sit in this waiting room I feel comforted. I know it is the spirt giving me comfort. What a gift that our Father in Heaven gives to us, his children.

***Surgery update***
Jack is four hours into the surgery at this point. The OR nurse comes out just about on the hour (bless that woman), she reports that he is very stable. His stats are good and his body is strong. There haven't been any reconstruction surprises with the heart. Things are progressing normally.

***Another surgery update since I wrote***
Nurse just came out. They are slowing the repair pace as the VSD defect is very high and at an angle, causing some problems. But nurse reports that Jack is a rock (her words). He is very stable and doing well.

Underway

2012-01-25T09:01:00.000-08:00

Jackson's surgery is underway. We are in the waiting room feeling comfort and peace. I thought I would be a mess. I feel strong. Chad gave Jack a blessing last night, our children are praying for Jack, we are praying for Jack and so are you. Chad blessed Jack last night that angels would attend and keep him. Here in my quiet spot I too feel the presence of Gods angels.

Jack was all smiles this morning. We held and enjoyed him. This is the face he made when we told him what was going to happen.

Jack feel asleep for about an hour on my chest before we handed him over. He was sucking away on his tongue the entire time, thinking if he just kept going he'd get something. We spoke with the surgeon, nurses, and anesthesiologist and then it was time. I handed him to Kim the lead OR nurse. He woke right up and looked over at Chad and I with as straight of a backbone as humanly possible. As Kim walked Jack away from us, tears that had welled up finally spilled out. What happened next I will never forget.

They were just about to pass through the double doors that lead into the operating room. Jack, (wide awake) looked back at us and with his arm hung over Kim's shoulder waved his hand up and down twice. Everyone there, three nurses, Chad and I all exhaled a laugh. Our grief in that moment was interrupted with that joy. We all smiled greatly to each other at the sweetness of this moment that we had been graced with through God's tender mercy.

Shoulder to shoulder.

2012-01-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

Days away from Jack's surgery we feel the love. We feel the supportive arms wrapped around us from loved ones near and far.
On Wednesday Chad and I will hand Jackson over to people we believe will make him better. We cannot physically do anything to repair Jack's heart but we can rally around him in faith and prayer. We can reach out to those around us who know and love Jack and ask them to remember this boy.

When I visualize Jack's surgery he is on a table with people working around him on all sides, encircling him. Then surrounding those people there is us; all of us, coming together in faith and prayer for Jack.

As a mother I cannot adequately express my gratitude for this.

Time.

2012-01-18T16:49:00.000-08:00

The passage of time is a surety of life; but the feeling of time passing is perplexing. Sometimes it feels like it is racing past and I am an audience member watching my life fly by. Other times it feels like I've hitched a ride on a turtle and I'm meandering through.

A week from today our life will be different. I pray that it will be in the way that I wish. I've been dreading this day and now it is upon us. Wednesday 8:00 AM.

It's been about a week since Jack went on the books for surgery. Time has since been flying by. When it's 114 degrees out and the summer just won't be over fast enough; time, takes it's sweet little time. But now, when I want to put it on a perpetual slow motion loop it marches on. Happens with lots of different things, and it's different for different people. Take Christmas; when I was a kid it felt like it was never going to be here and I swear it was just Halloween and now Christmas' come and gone.

The spirit of contentment I think controls the feeling of time passing.

The happier you are to be in whichever moment you are in; time passes more normally. I've slowed from my usually rabbit pace through the days to more of a deer's pace. Fast when the moment necessitates it but otherwise quietly taking in my surroundings. I almost said turtle's pace but I am still me, and I don't think even my pinky toe has that pace.

Usually I am doing three to four things at once all day long. Or at least planning them out in my head while doing one thing. These days I've taken to my bed often. I lay with Jack looking on at him while he eats. In those moments I am most content. I do not need to control my mind from moving onto this or that, I am present; I enjoy him. He takes his hand out and feels around my face now. Another milestone reached.

This makes me cry as I type that sentence. I want nothing more than to come here and tell everyone of the next ones he reaches. More than anything. Taking a moment. . .

Back.

I've had this little monster in my house since finding out that Jack must go through this. I'm looking forward to getting him out of my linen closet. I haven't had to deal with him yet. Time is bringing me closer and closer to that door, hour by hour. Almost time to open that door and greet the little stinker.

I don't want Jack to go through this but he must. I'm preparing by slowing down; taking Jack in, smelling him; important things. Small things that are often taken for granted and raced past, unnoticed. Not now. I am savoring every moment that I can get my hands on.

This is one thing I hope I never forget: to live with this razor sharp intention to simply, pay attention.

Y'all know that we're arming them, right?

2012-01-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

Does the age in which you own your first firearm correlate with how awesome you are? Yes, it absolutely freaking does. Owen is loving roaming the desert with his gun, shooting stuff. Here is the front of our house, isn't the desert beautiful? Further to the right the view of the city lays out below. At sunset and during the evening lights the views are lovely, we are loving the winter here in Arizona.

So, now we're armed and dangerous round these parts.

Pinewood derby, the tradition continues

2012-01-15T20:48:00.001-08:00

That is the tradition of. . .the Mead's kicking booty!

Saturday was the Pinewood derby round these parts and Owen cleaned up! He won every race he was in except one which at least according to his father was due to a slightly bent wheel. A minor fix-up and the winning streak continued. Owen was a little embarrassed at first about his car and even asked Chad to hold it so that he wouldn't be seen with it. Safe to say the paint job left a little to be desired. BUT, the engineering of that bad boy was awesome! Weighing in at exactly 5 ounces the Mead wedge dominated.

Owen was shy about his car until he had his first win then he was proud to hold the Destroyer (his name). He took first place all around and won best block of wood. He and Chad worked on it, I contributed the imperative idea to use super glue instead of hot glue that way we could add more weight.

I wasn't able to go (we're not taking Mr. Jack out so that he can be as healthy and strong for his surgery as possible) but Chad kept me updated via email as the winning streak.

Bam.

WHAT. . .I love you. . .

2012-01-13T08:42:00.000-08:00

This girl cracks us up.

A couple of Sundays ago Chad and I were in the office doing important internet research. Him on the laptop playing chess and I on the desktop surfing design blogs. You know.

It was late in the day and both of us had kind of had it with the kids. We had just sent all of them out to roam the desert to give us some peace when Lily came busting into the office. She was greeted by Chad and I simultaneously telling her to get out! Not necessarily in a mean tone, but in an I'm not effing around tone. Is effing an offensive term? I certainly hope not; while I don't particularly use the term in my regular dialogue. It does find it's way out occasionally to add that extra bit of umph when the situation calls for it.

Anyways, now that you've lost a little bit more respect for me we shall move on. Upon us commanding her out of the room she left us with one last line. To enjoy it as much as we did read it according to the directions that are in the parenthesis.

Lily to both of us: " WHAT!!!!"(exasperated and quite loud) then she turned and as she walked out of the room she continues,

. . ."I love you." (dejected and quietly stated so as to manipulate)

We already know just how much trouble we are in for.

Jack's first smile.

2012-01-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

While we were in Flagstaff over Christmas this year we managed to catch another leprechaun. A leprechaun is (official Mead definition): a child's first smile caught on film

It was the day after Christmas and Lily was having some fun with Jackie boy. She was playing peek a boo with him, some tickling and hand holding.

Then, it came. He was bubbling over with giggles, little noises, smiles. It ROCKED our world. He was grinning from ear to ear. Everyone in that room was grinning from ear to ear.

Just look at how he is looking at her, makes this mama's heart melt. This boy is SO loved. Everyone is taken in with his charms; relegated to become just another one of his followers. He's like the Bachelor round these parts. Everyone clamoring to be by him, hoping for that time to spend with him. Once they get that precious one on one time, they only have flattering things to say of him. Secretly or sometimes not so secretly praying/hoping for a kiss.

And, lucky them; this boy loves to give some open mouth ones!

Some gentle hand holding.

Notice the boots or should I say boot. While I was packing up our hud (a Chad term that has somehow through osmosis streamed it's way into my vocabulary) Lily took offense to her boots. They were red after all and not her precious pink or purple.

So, unbeknownst to me she flung one of them out of the suitcase. Only to be discovered once we were preparing for our first sledding adventure. It's a good thing I'm so at home with white trash antics. I didn't even flinch an eye at slapping an extra sock on, sticking a glove found in the parking lot over that, some Ziploc gallon bags and topped it off with some duck tape. Bam. Ready to go.

I know I know, I go on and on about how important it is to me that my children love each other and value those relationships. But it is! So, capturing this moment on camera is precious. Seeing Lily get to play the older sibling role and loving on her precious Jackie (pretty much the only thing she calls him)is amazing.

. . .Jackie no wlove youd Jaackie wlove wiLily.

She sings it loud and proud almost daily around these parts, but now without the accompaniment of a guitar--that's already broken.

It was a white Christmas after all.

2012-01-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

Y'all remember that we surprised the kids with a trip to the snow for Christmas. It was so great! Some things we do, we do like, once, but this; this is going to become a Christmas tradition. Except I probably wouldn't stay the night next time, just go up, sled and come back (too much kids stuff!!!)

We went to Flagstaff, a two hour drive away about noon on Christmas day. The kids brought along their newly acquired electronic devices so that made for a very very quiet drive. Chad and I enjoyed it immensely.

We stayed at the Little America there, which is darling. beautifully decorated rooms and large too, which for all these little ones makes for a very comfortable stay. Even, though now having four kids we have graduated to two hotel rooms. The three oldest stayed in the room adjoining our with two queen size beds and Chad and I and Jack in a room with a king.

I realized how freaking spoiled my children are all going to be when it was time for bed. Two beds: three children. Luke was so disgusted at the thought of sharing a QUEEN size bed that he opted to sleep on the floor. I told him that when I was growing up I stayed in a hotel room with eight people and two beds.

Impossible. He still does not believe that this is true.

Before we got to the whole sleeping issues there was. . .snow! We got there, checked in and set off to find some snow for sledding. Quite a bunch we were. We went with our friends the Yorks, they have two teenage daughters so our hot mess of a family looked even more out of control next to theirs. Oh well.

The first spot we went was littered with many large trees along the path. Not exactly the safest place to go flying down a hill at top speeds. But, you totally know we did! Come-on, we're the Meads after all!

We got our thrill on here for a time, with Chad and Aaron manning the trees to serve as human blockades to potential brain damage. I even managed to totally wipe Aaron out when Lily and I went down, to which she exclaimed, "YEAH!!! That was awesome, lets go again!"

That's my girl!

We found another hill after this one, which had no trees but; well, it was a teenisey bit steep. Upon pulling up Aaron was saying no way, no way, everyone back in the car. I was already halfway up the hill at this point. I sit down and thanks to some extra baby weight, got about seven feet airborne off the jump at the bottom.

Needless to say, everyone had an awesome time! We coerced everyone to the big hill and had a great time. Went out for some yummy food and since it was Christmas day, we had, Chinese! Sweet, thank goodness for other cultures! Since it was one of two places in the entire town that was open it took no less than three hours for dinner and they literally served it plate by plate with twenty minute increments between servings. We gave the definition of family style dining a run for it's money.

The next day brought more sledding, vomit, breastfeeding in public. Ya, know; a normal day. Makes you want to travel with the Mead's eh.

MOM!! you makin me wook wierd!

2012-01-09T02:47:00.000-08:00

Lily uttered these exact words to me three days ago. Below is the exact outfit she was wearing. She is the one standing all the way to the left.

Stay tuned till the end and you'll get your first and last peek of me in some lingerie. I figure that sentence could go one of two ways: nothing will stop you until you see aforementioned photo or, you have already shut down you're computer and are frantically attempting a mind erase for the mental image that you had upon reading that line.

Apparently Boden, Crewcuts, and Janie and Jack are all; weird. It is kind of sad; Lily, my only chance to play dress up with my very own real life doll. . .wants to look like a rag-a-muffin ALL THE TIME. And, to be fair, she usually does.

It is a sort of negotiation she and I have routinely; (occasionally when I have an extra five minutes before we have to be somewhere to be and I have a moment to get her to brush her hair and in semi-decent clothing), me to Lily, "Lily it's time to change your clothes, you may change them when we get home but you have to come here and pick between these two outfits that I picked out."

She begrudgingly chooses and for a brief moment in time she doesn't look like she belongs at Walmart. ;) For those of you who may be offended at that, never fear! Most of the time I don't have those extra five minutes and she does look like she belongs there.

Here is how she wants to dress ALL THE TIME. I curse the existence of these two items of clothing.

The tiered dress and the monkey shirt. Burn in hell I tell you!!! Notice the hair? Yeah, that's how her hair looks on a good day. As I was looking through my photos I came across a bunch of me growing up and had to laugh. Because I was the exact same. Ugh. My mom, bless that woman, would sew beautiful clothes for me to wear. I would wear them, come home and immediately rip them off to put on well. . .I'll let you decide.

How my mother wanted me to look. . .

Her dress, but I jazzed it up with a very sophisticated glow in the dark necklace and my friends headband. You know, for flare.
Leg warmers too, yeah! Why the heck not!

Suspenders and sweater, white bow and a heart shaped purse! Genius.

High-tops, in white no less, yellow pants with pink shirt and a heart shaped watch. Ohhh.

And finally, what those of you how have stuck around have been dying to see. . .the Victoria's Secret shot. Man! All I've got to say about all the photos of myself in this post is: I HAVE THE WORLDS MOST AMAZING FASHION SENSE.

. . .carry on Lily carry on, maybe you're onto something after all.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

Prepare yourself for tons of pictures of children with uncombed hair opening presents. And blurry images, the children's excitement over certain presents made it impossible to get a good picture. They did not stop moving or in Owen's case, leaping. Merry Christmas.

This princess book was one of her favorite presents.

Duke being inspected by Luke for metal.

Jack was thrilled.

He is a Texan after all, it's been long enough that he hasn't been bearing arms.

A 3DS!!! Those words were excited screamed as Luke jumped up and down, repeatedly.

Owen's grand finale gift: an Ipod touch. Needless to say he did not stop moving for some time.

Lily as it turns out is quite the singer. Upon receiving this guitar she composed several songs. One of which she sang to me (in her best vertebrata voice), "Jackie no love you, Jackie love Lily, sorry mommy, but Jackie ondly wlove Lily, yes, Jackie love Lily, no lovey mommy."

The big reveal would have worked better if I had plugged the boys' cars in to the batteries. Instead Lily's car came out alone.

The last present the children received were some sleds, even though they thought they were surf boards. We surprised them with a trip to Flagstaff so that it could be a white Christmas after all.

Christmas eve 2011.

2012-01-05T05:58:00.000-08:00

This year we celebrated our first Christmas in Arizona. It was awesome!

Cooked dinner with my french doors open as my children frolicked in the desert. Yes, frolicked. Arizona has just what I love in terms of weather, (except for those pesky three months where I loathe it) windows down--doors open kinda weather. And! There is snow less than an hour and half away for the snowy dreams of a white Christmas.

This year we celebrated with our friends the Yorks. We feasted on my traditional dinner of: prime rib, mashed potatoes, rolls, and Yorkshire pudding. Usually I make creamed corn but this year I got wild and sauteed Brussels sprouts. Crazy, eh. The Yorks got to benefit from my dedication to this meal as it only became tasty these past four years, the previous five; well, safe to say, I have many good friends and family that will eat just about anything.

Apparently in non-Mormon culture on Christmas eve you give gifts to each other. Real gifts too! My kids couldn't believe it when they got to open actual presents on Christmas eve and toys at that! The Yorks kids got to open ----um, well, they got the wonderful gift of the knowledge that it is truly better to give than to receive.

I'm still waiting on my thank you note.

Danielle helping Lily open her Fairy Tinkerbell toy amidst the dinner mess.

Blah.

Thankfully Theresa was here, she and I pounded this out while the men watched TV. I'm counting that as one of my presents to Chad.

This one isn't making the design blog.

2012-01-04T04:19:00.000-08:00

I can remember when I had one child thinking I was busy.

Now I think, what in the heck did I do all day! We lived in a small apartment, had no money and only one child that stayed where I put him.

Ask any mother that has a couple of kids how she does it all and she will almost without fail say that she doesn't. That is SO true! Some days you have time to get loads done: homemade waffles for breakfast, scripture study, everyone hair is brushed (including yours), lunch, dinner, snacks, story time. . .you get the idea.

Other days, not so much; you waste five hours managing everyone's insurance and dealing with getting your insurance that you pay very good money for to actually pay the doctors you see.

I would say that I get quite a bit done in the average day, not trying to brag, just sayin. BUT! A big big secret of mine is. . .wait for it. . .wait for it . . .things aren't always perfect, and I'm okay with that.

This star; pointing due west instead of north, totally stayed that way until we took down the tree.

And I didn't even think about getting up there and fixing it, I was already on to the next thing needing doing. Bam.

Broad strokes baby.

One handsome dog.

2012-01-03T03:42:00.000-08:00

Who could argue with evidence like this:

The kids have been off school for Christmas break and we have been enjoying ourselves. I've taken to sleeping in every morning while the kids systematically destroy the house. Luke has taken to making breakfast for everyone; notice he thinks my favorite breakfast consists of flowers and water. Chad's is of course Diet Coke and cereal.

Lily still uses Duke as her dance partner. Notwithstanding his urging her to a different partner using his only method of communication: his mouth.

Poor Owie's blood sugars are getting higher and higher; we've been faithfully recording his blood sugars and food intake for two weeks now. This week he goes to the endocrinologist and will probably go on insulin. It's a good thing he likes eggs and can make them himself.

Luke reads stories to Jack on his favorite genre; dinosaurs.

And Jack pretended to be interested in Luke's favorite subject; while he was really thinking of his favorite subject.

Which was: anything involving milk.

I'll be your Shadrach, you be my Abednego

2012-01-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

Remember that bible story about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? Last week Mr. Mead Shadrach me right up; that is he gave me a pep talk similar to the scene in the Matrix where Neo realizes that he is the one and starts to do awesome things. Then he muscle flexes the matrix.

During the pep talk Mr. Mead didn't actually muscle flex but he did walk boldly around using his arms as punctuation marks. Chad proclaimed to me things about how we will be and who we are.; that things will be fine. Then he said those three powerful words; BUT IF NOT. The story goes:

During the dedication ceremony of the golden image, certain officials noticed Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego not bowing down to the idol. Thus, Nebuchadnezzar was immediately notified. The King was enraged and demanded that these three men come before him. Nebuchadnezzar knew of these very men, because it wasn’t too long ago when Daniel had petitioned the King to assign Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego over the affairs of the province of Babylon. Daniel was also very special to the King because he was able to interpret his dreams. So, the King offered these three men one more chance to show their patriotism to Babylon.

Their response: "O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou has set up." Let me back up for a brief moment and tell you why Chad was all fired up. Chad was in the next room as I was on the laptop in the living room. I was browsing through design blogs as I often do and a story marched it's way onto my screen. Something that I have deliberately avoiding.

It was a story of a woman's journey through losing her son during his open heart surgery. Upon reading of this story I frantically raced through her blog to try to see what kind of heart defect her son had. Surely something much more complicated than my dear Jacks.

Then I found it; the exact same defect.

Then it got ugly, but before it got really ugly I typed as I softly sobbed; I will share my UN-edited words I typed as I processed what I was feeling. I know one day, far from now I will look back on this time and appreciate the words and feelings I expressed.

My words:

I was reading through my design blogs this evening and read something I wish I could just take back. Never see or read it. A woman was featured on a design blog sharing her story of the death of her child. He had a similar heart condition to Jack and died. I can't believe I'm even writing right now, I feel such fear and pain. Thick physical pain.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm sitting here at 10:30 at night feeling physical pain. Sadness and fear are running so thick through my body that the pain in my chest is practically unbearable. I can't believe that the body can do this; feel physical pain not due to any sort of injury but due to emotional pain. I am sick. Part of me wants to stop writing and go weep in my bathtub. Soaking away the pain while turning my skin pink with the hottest water I can bear. But, part of me wants to remember these feelings and this journey I am on.

I want to load Jack up in my car and run away. Keep him safe, far away from any uncertainty. The surgeons and cardiologists have told us the risks of Jack's

That was all I could get out. Chad found me sitting there crying as I typed and comforted me. He listened to what I was feeling, then helped me out of that moment of fear and panic.

He encouraged me to not despair and to not fear; that fear is not of God. We talked and I went on about how I was just so frightened. That logically I know the risks are small that Jack would die but that small 5% figure was too much to bear. He went on with his pep talk, sharing the story of Shadrach, Mesahach and Abendnego and their powerful story of faith but more of acceptance to God's will.

He counseled with me and built my faith up when it was low. Said that Jack would be fine, that his surgery will be hard and scary but be okay. Then he shared his strength with me and said, "Jack will be fine, I believe that with all my heart Jamie. . . but if not. . .it will be hard but we will not lose faith."

That even when God does not heed your cries, he has not forgotten you. Gradually, I remembered my own personal faith and understanding of the will of God. I have to say this past year has been hard on me. My beliefs have been challenged; my views have been changed.

Often I have thought, what is the point of praying because God is only going to do whatever he wants anyways. Why ask for anything. What is the purpose of prayer?

Obviously, this is all deeply personal but still, I want to share and remember.

My understanding of prayer and it's purpose are still a work in progress. I firmly believe that the main purpose of prayer is not to ask for things. But, rather to express thankfulness and gratitude. Jack has affirmed to me more than anything else possibly could have these truths: God has a plan for us, he knows us individually and as such he will bless us with what we need.

At times we may feel that our wants and wishes fall on deaf ears but that is because we only know a fraction of the plan. Have faith in him; in his desire to bless you.

These photos I've shared in this post are of Chad and I fifteen years ago. When we were young our life was footloose and fancy free, as it is for most of us when we are newly married. I would never have imagined the trials that would be chosen for me, I also would not have imagined the happiness and depth of joy I feel.

This life is to be enjoyed but it also for learning and growth, and a lot of that growth comes from trials. We are in one now; we all will have them though, it is just a matter of time.

To be tried and tested, we signed up for that; all of us.

I want to go back to my nineteen year old self and give her a high-five for her taste in men. Because this I know for sure: he is my rock.

He reminds me that I am God's child, that I can do hard things, and that no matter what happens in this life we cannot and will not lose faith.

Mountain life.

2011-12-23T01:51:00.000-08:00

Y'all know how I love my mountains, right. Well, I do and just wanted to make sure you knew that. This is the hike I take a couple of times a week. I go and contemplate the mystery's of life while listening to Selena Gomez's song, Love you like a love song. I'm deep.

Update! Remember them? Well, it's growing bigger and bigger by the day, and there is now a blow up snow man on the roof! Sweeeettttt.

Bless their hearts.

On mountains there is dirt.

When it rains something crazy chemical reaction occurs and mud is formed. I know! Very messy but if you're four very fun. I have many a fond memories of my friend Lesley Mickelsen and I swimming in an irrigation pond and catching polliwogs. Oh the joys, I distinctly remember my mother shrieking one afternoon upon discovering my nest of polliwogs. Which I had cleverly hid in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Everything would have gone off seamlessly too if they hadn't continued on their growth cycle and spouted legs. Only to then use them to jump around my closet floor.
Maybe it's things like this that make my dad smile from ear to ear when he hears of the shenanigans my children put me through.

There is also the rabbits. Oh we love the rabbits around here. It is Duke's one and only mission in life to catch one. He will sit patiently by the dog door waiting for the perfect moment to strike, then he will dash out after them attempting to supplement his diet. He has his dreams.

I walk around my home and feel blessed. Mountains surround us on every side, and the view of the city lays out below us. This is beauty. I pull open the curtains and carry on with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart for seeing the beauty that surrounds me.

After all, it's not just about having something that makes you happy; it is being grateful for what you have that makes you happy.

Recognizing that you have something great.

Embracing the crazy

2011-12-22T01:57:00.000-08:00

Life with four small children is loud. Crazy loud and then lots and lots of just plain crazy.

I find on days that are especially crazy I do better if I just accept that this is how today will be. Milk will be spill, fights will happen, babies will get woken up. And loud? Loud is definitely here today. So what am I to do?

I go with it baby. I turn my music up, let my hair down and go with it. I forget about the things I need to get done today, ignore the children when they are clamoring for me to chose a loser of whatever the current disagreement is over and tell them to just carry on--forget-about-it. I tell them to get over it, go and go be happy and play. Then I take my own advice and go be happy.

My house on these days isn't the type of house I love but the way that house feels more than makes up for it. Music is pumping and messes are abundant; I cook dinner for everyone in the midst of this chaos.

Jack looks on as visitors do a stop and chat.

Secret Santa gifts must be taken even though you totally forgot until 7:30. Our ward is doing the twelve days of Christmas and let me just tell you this, the children go crazy!!! We pull up to her home and they are shrieking with anticipation. They excitedly jump out of the car and race to her door, hooping and hollering the entire way. They ring the bell and race back to the car and we dash away, I am grateful that she plays along and takes her time getting to the door.

Don't cha just love Luke. That boy cracks me up. Cracks just about everyone up, I can't tell you how many times his teacher or school nurse will call and tell me about something hilarious he did or said.

The wonderful thing about family is, they are there for you. You need something, they got your back. Not convenient? No matter, we are family and I am here for you. Until I became a mother I would have never understood how important this is a mother. I want my children to be there for each other. In addition to Chad and I being there for them, they have each other.

To take care of each other when we can't or won't still be here to. Their bonds as brothers and sister is something that is independent of us. That is comforting to a parent.

Owen pitched in and rocked Jack when Jack was in need of some comfort. That freed me up to make Pioneer woman's meatballs. It was a crazy day and I could have just heated up some quick pre-made food from Costco, which I'm totally not above; but on this day, I wanted some comfort. Recipe here.

That is the thing about life now, it is crazy; some days more than others but busy busy is the order of just about everyday. The thing is; I know someday it will end, gradually there will be quiet here in place of my rambunctious children.

. . .and I will miss these days.

So, for today I am grateful that I can recognize that these are the days and just go with it.

Tin tin, the magic man.

2011-12-20T00:40:00.000-08:00

Tin tin is our newest family member, and just my type too; he doesn't eat, speak or make messes. We all just love him.

I have no idea why we have waited so long to get our very own elf. He is magical and the children go literally crazy every morning looking for his new spot.

Tin tin watches every move the children make, especially Lily. I don't have a photo of his spot in her room the day after she touched him. The boy's saw her barely touch him, which is a HUGE no-no in the elf keeping his magic rules.

So the next day, Tin tin moved his spot hovering above Lily's bed watching her as she slept. He even wrote a personal note to her, telling her that he would be watching her extra close and that she is NEVER, never, not ever to touch him again. . .or else. Around midnight she awoke and came out of her room crying saying that Tin tin creeping her out. Chad removed him for the evening but at 6:30 when I got up to get the kids up, I put him back hovering over her bed. Suffice to say, she has been properly psychologically damaged and hasn't come close to touching Tin tin since.

Tin tin has seen many many things; naughty things like these candy wrappers under Lily's bed. The mystery as to where all the candy from the advent calender went was solved.

I'm not sure if you remember Mr. Mead's comments on how markers are basically responsible for ruining our children and their futures. Thinking now he may have a point.

She tried to make it up in small ways; like tucking Duke in at night,

and dressing herself in an outfit made up entirely of skirts and a monkey shirt for a sash. Then wearing the most hated wardrobe item; pants.

Tin tin appreciated all the children's efforts to be good and made them cookies.

Got his thrill on by zip-lining through the living room with a candy cane for sustenance.

Tin tin took a break the next day and vowed to stay in bed all day. That is once he properly cleaned the glass. Tin tin contemplated about what pigs he must live with, that would allow such a fifthly fifthly mess linger.

He cooled his jets on some rosemary and felt fine as he observed teasing and yelling and that was a just the lady of the house. The kids. . .fughedi aboud et.

Tin tin went fishing one day, but since we neglected to take a photo I stole the picture from Bethany's blog, and felt it appropriate since that is the place where we also stole the idea from in the first place.

Tin tin went for a ride on the lamp on day and was knocked off by a flying pillow. Fear ran thick through the children but I assured them that there was an allocated one pick up by thongs allowed each season.

He even watched baby Jesus one day. No one gets off easy with Tin tin on the prowl.

Santa stopped by too! Our doorbell rang one evening and there he was with a loaf of bread all by himself. I must say, it thoroughly creeped me out when I looked through the little door in our door and spied him.

Simba!

2011-12-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

You should know that almost every time I pick Jack up from his crib I hold him above my head and say SIMBA, in Mufasa's voice to boot. Then I nuzzle him in my neck as I kiss his face. I'm being completely serious too. I want to go out to the mountain behind my house; climb up it, hold Jack out over the mountain for others to behold his greatness.

In a few months after his heart surgery I'm totally taking him on one of my hikes; you just watch. As I type these words about my son I feel my emotions bubbling over; I hold back the tears though. I do not need to cry over this for the zillionth time; cry over how grateful I am for this boy.

But, I will write how I love this boy. The love I feel is fierce, I wanted Jack for so long; and he is here with us now. I wonder if those years wanting him and the months spent agonizing over him are the the catalyst for this immense joy I am filled with now. Probably. Actually, I don't know why I say I wonder, I'm sure that they definitely are.

I'm continuing to learn the lessons Heavenly Father wants me to learn. Through suffering and trials there is joy. The inverse relationship between trials and joy is essential. Without the one the other would not be so great.

You would not experience the high of highs without the low of lows. We suffered, worried and fretted practically my whole pregnancy. But; but now, I tell you. . .I am practically dancing in the streets. I never thought I would be able to be this grateful for trials, for times of saddness but man!; they make way for a greater appreciation of the goodness this life has to give.

A complete stranger shopping at Albertsons told me I was possibly the happiest person she had ever encountered. I hadn't realized it but she and I had seen each other on a couple of the aisles at the supermarket and at the checkout stand she told me how much she appreciated my happiness. I tell you what, I'm feeling it! You cannot wipe this ridiculous smile off my freaking face.

This feeling I am blessed to have is special and I have gratitude that I know this truth; God loves me and has blessed me beyond my ability to measure.

The children's tree.

2011-12-14T00:21:00.000-08:00

I give the children our smaller tree that we used when we were in law school. They get to decorate it however they see fit.

I don't move a single ornament. Which leads to an interesting tree but they love it and feel so much pride.

They were immensely satisfied with their work.

Decorating for Christmas.

2011-12-12T00:21:00.000-08:00

Saturday we brought out the Christmas bins. I was happy to get to decorate with my mom. In the afternoon everyone watched football while we got the Christmas spirit vibe going. Chad was called upon to help with high up lights. I loved it; our french doors were wide open as the lovely Arizona winter wafted through. Decorating to the sounds of my family excitedly watching Michigan play some football.

Patrice and Bill got there early in afternoon and got to for the first time lay eyes on our boy.

This happened. . .

Being tall has many advantages.

Patrice is awesome. Me, "Smile big! No, bigger!"

Decorating for Thanksgiving.

2011-12-09T00:21:00.000-08:00

Owen, Luke and Lily got all into decorating the table for Thanksgiving. They were all very excited about the impending arrival of: grandparents, aunts, uncles the following day. We made turkey place mats for everyone.

I had lofty plans for decorating my table. Instead I went for a hike with my baby brother who drove twenty hours to be with us. We ate by candlelight as the sun was setting. That was beauty enough.

Lily was obsessed with my dad. She giggled for hours with him. She combed his hair, tickled him, pretty much stayed within about fifteen inches of him all day.

Look! She even managed to coax out a smile from him! A miracle.

Her charms are hard to resist. She sang vertebrata as she combed her hair.

Here I am, cooking what ended up being a HORRIBLE dinner. I was distracted when I put the turkey in the oven that I miscalculated the cooking time. It cooked two hours too long. It was much like the scene from Christmas Vacation. Our turkey, literally was split in half. Burnt. Dry as all be. Everyone ate it, trying to compliment me but I knew. Mr. Mead ate in silence. He's not one to try to lie.

The next day my dad in an effort to make me feel better got ingredients for some spicy turkey thingy. It was awful too. I told Chad we had to find something else to eat for dinner. To which he replied, "We all choked down your dinner yesterday, now it's your turn!"

I was offended, but also thoroughly entertained. I married one fun/funny man.

Like I said, you done good Ms. Arizona

2011-12-08T00:21:00.000-08:00

Yes Arizona is single. She is a sassy; somewhat revealing gal. Who is awesome in the: winter, fall and spring. Summer--fughetta aboud it.

Yes, we swim in December here. Jealous? Well you should be, but don't worry come July I'll be jealous of you! MMm-kay.

This mama's heart.

2011-12-07T19:32:00.000-08:00

Motherhood is wonderful but also it is hard. It is a marathon; with fits and spurts of sprinting. Times where you are being pulled in four different directions all of which need your attention. Three minutes ago I was doing dishes; then I stopped; they still aren't done. But I need to be for today. Sometimes I have to quit before the marathon is over so that I can still run tomorrow.

Moments like now, I feel overwhelmed when I think of all I must do every day to keep it going. Tears flow down my cheeks as I type. Often I feel like a circus plate spinner. Racing between plates; panting as I precisely spin each plate. Careful to not be careless with the one on the end, lest it fall and crash to the ground.

Everybody needs me, and they need me right now dammit! Towards the end of the day and at the three hundred and seventy fourth request my skin crawls. I need quiet; a moment of respite. I feel heavy with responsibility. The mental check off list for the day meanders through my mind, did I: give Owen his medicine, Lily's skin treatment, Luke's allergy pills, Owen and Luke's homework, Jack's deep compression massage along his whole body--every four hours, reading to Lily, Owen and Luke's independent reading, checking Owen and Luke's blood sugars, Jack's vitamin regimen--three times per day? Not to even mention the daily things; doctors appointments, sending red and green marshmallows with this child, being the library buddy with that child. Scheduling the hundredth appointment for Jack with this 'ology' or that 'ology'.

There are moments where I just want to throw that friggin list out the window. Say I'm done. That I can't take it anymore and we will just have to let those damn plates fall. But. I am me and that isn't an option. I am the mama. The only person on this planet who even knows what is on the list, let alone do it.

The stakes are high. If I fail and let those plates spin off it will matter.

Times like this when I feel less than capable to the task I think of where I have been. What I have accomplished. That I did survive. I did make a difference; me. Proof is in the pudding, baby. Owen is eating; by his mouth no less. I worked blood, sweat and tears for three and a half years to make that happen. Me; I did that.

I took him to feeding therapy four times per week over an hours drive each direction for two years. I rubbed his gums every three hours for one and half years. I brushed his entire body with a 'desensitizing comb' every three hours for a year. I cleaned up food that he would 'chew chew chew' then spit out onto the floor because he was afraid to swallow it. . .twenty times a day for two and half years.

Then, he ate; it was over. I DID THAT. Without murdering anybody. Crying many many tears of frustration, yes. BUT. . .; I did it and. . .it meant something.

Times like this where my heart is heavy and I don't want to do all that I am called to do; I remember. I can do this. I can do hard things. I can make a difference for Jack. I can through my efforts. Me; alone. One day at a time I will do all that is within my powers. They are my children. Given to me, and I know me; this mama will move heaven and earth for her children.

I have my mama's lists; you have yours, we can and will do it. One day at a time, together, we will all be; mothers.

One of his best days.

2011-12-07T00:21:00.000-08:00

Half of my family was here for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful. I loved having all those crazies under my roof: eating, laughing, talking --being together. Many of them traveled long hard drives to come here and we felt honored that they did so. I loved cooking on Thanksgiving with my mom and Alyssa (my new, young, cute sister-in-law). After everyone left the kids and I were talking about what part of the holiday we all liked best.

Owen piped right up and quickly said his favorite part was playing chess with his uncle Justin. I knew it was his favorite part before he said it. Chad had proposed that Owen and Justin should play each other the evening before. It was on!

The first thing the next morning Owen had the chess board all set up. He impatiently paced the house for about two hours waiting for Justin to wake up. Chad has played chess for years and has a resurgence of interest in the game of late. In his quest to become better the boys noticed him reading and playing the game. Enter a new chapter in their life.

(Contemplating next move with Uncle Justin)

Chad has been playing against the boys for about a month now. Teaching them moves, strategy, and how to anticipate moves(stuff I don't know squat about). Chad, Owen and Luke go to chess classes every Wednesday evening. They look forward to it all week, especially Owen. Luke really looks forward to the stop at McDonalds for ice cream afterwards.

Owen has really taken to it. He reads chess books and plays anybody that will give him a game. I'm so thankful that Justin would play and give Owen a chance to try to really beat him. Justin hasn't played the game in years but he gave Owen his best game. The moment had come. I'm not sure who was more excited about it, Owen or Chad. Chad literally was pacing the room during the entire game.

(Owen talking smack, "you're going down uncle Justin!)

I hope I never forget the scene. Seeing the man you love beam with such pride in the child you love is an amazing thing. It confirms something I already know but it is still immensely satisfying. THIS IS IT: Chad and I are the only two people on the planet that care this much about these little people. Our mutual love for them binds us together even more deeply. He is the only one that feels my same pain to the same degree I do. He also, is the only one who feels the highest highs that I do. It is wonderful to have someone be there with you.

I was in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner -- I totally burnt the damn turkey! They were at the kitchen table, Chad was pacing the room. Chad can read the board many moves ahead and knows what will happen. He sees Justin is in trouble before Justin does. His boy, his first son will checkmate in four more moves. He is literally standing behind Justin fist pumping, clinching his hands together in victory. He is just SO DOG GONE PROUD OF HIS BOY.

Owen beat Justin that first game. It was one of Owen's best days. I'm so thankful that Justin gave Owen the satisfaction of really beating him. Justin didn't let him win. Justin and Owen played many more times that long weekend. As Justin became less rusty he beat Owen. They played and played taking turns beating each other.

I can't even imagine what he will do when she takes her first hard earned victory.

You're welcome.

2011-12-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

Go and buy the Killers album Day & Age, listen to the song Joy Ride. While your listening picture me dancing around like a complete idiot. Or if you peek in my windows you can see the real deal.

In other news. I unpacked my last box. The china is now out and available for use. This is especially good because we just had Thanksgiving last week and it would have been absolutely silly to have unpacked it before. So now we can switch from using paper plates at every meal. Go big or go home, either we're using the fine china or paper products.

I'm up to no good.

2011-12-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

Okay. First of all, I need to take more photos of myself. Which is going to be hard, taking photos of yourself and all, so first order of business is to teach Lily to be my personal paparazzi. I had to go back to three years ago to find this one of me by myself and that wasn't awful. Wow, I really need to get dressed more often and not in sweat pants. Note to self.

I'm excited to share with you my new website! One where it doesn't matter that I wear loads of sweatpants. www.sixoakstreet.com is where I blog about home decor, my projects, and pretty things that inspire me. I have loved blogging here on texasmeads, sharing the mundane and trivial, but also the wonderful and hard things about my life as a mother. Your support and kind words inspire me to carry on and keep fighting the good fight. ;)

I will continue to share (probably too honestly here) about my life, life with the kids, rants about Chad or innocent neighbors. My ideas and projects will be shared on sixoakstreet.com from now on though.

I hope to see you over there.

The little lady

2011-12-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

Lily, who couldn't possibly do a single thing wrong (especially in her father's eyes) is a little mother. She walks around the house finding things to mother. Even if they don't want to be mothered, "Watch out Duke!"

She carefully tucks in whatever precious items she finds along her travels. A toy cell phone, favorite books, mismatched socks she likes, princess laptop, purse filled with markers (which Chad informed me that our children were all spoiled because of their privilege of having and using markers! Of course he never had such fine extravagances as a child, thus I am remedying this and running straight away to Target to buy the 500 pack of markers. I mean, we don't want them to lash out when they become adults, like he did here.)and of course, baby.

Lily is also replicating what she views as a "mothers attire" by not brushing her hair and walking around practically all day in her pajamas. Only to change when leaving the house necessitates it, and then the only difference in the attire is a hair rubber band holds back the mess of hair and she is now wearing a bra.

. . .teaching only daughter how to properly mother, check.

Bless their heart.

2011-12-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

There are many wonderful things about the South. One of them is this very popular saying, "Bless their heart." Once this is said the say'er has carte blanche to completely insult that person.

Let me tell you. IT IS AN INCREDIBLY USEFUL conversational tool.

I mean, a lady (especially a Southern lady) wouldn't want to demean herself by speaking ill of her neighbor. BUT! We've got loads of gossip/bad stuff to say about them. What to do, what to do?

They say necessity is the mother of all invention. Enter three very important words. . .bless their heart.

Now that you have an insight into Southern ways I will continue with my story.

My neighbors; bless their heart, should be destroyed for how they have hung their Christmas lights. Some may think this is possibly too strong of a statement. It is not. Let me tell you this, it is much much worse in person. It is an abomination. We watched the process unfold in disbelief.

Watching. . . waiting. . .wondering; are they INTENTIONALLY hanging that hodge-podge collection of lights together with ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD for its effect on the human eye. They also disregarded the precious brain that must process the images that the eyes send it. And the brain REMEMBERS with frightening detail the arrangement/colors of lights! THE HORROR. THE HORROR!

I'm not very good with my NEW! camera yet, but I'm trying to give you a better idea of what we are experiencing here. The desert has many charms, but a backdrop for Christmas lights? Um, I'd probably just have to pass on that. But hey, we don't have to shovel anything wet and cold!

Again! Sorry for the fuzzy picture, but if I take it with my flash it doesn't show the wonderful spectrum of colors we are subjected to every time we come home after dark.

Maybe we'll just have to take a page out of Will Smith's book in I am Legend and get home before the horribleness begins. This is just about as awful as super-strong, human-eating zombies trying to rip the flesh off your body. This is where being color blind would actually work for you.

Disclaimer! Our neighbors are incredibly nice people, but they have horrible, horrible taste. And for that, they deserve to be judged and condemned.

Bless their hearts.

Decorating projects.

2011-12-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

A Craiglist love story.

I got this table from Craigslist . . . for FREE. I don't have a "before" picture because I am impatient. I go full steam ahead on a project; not stopping for anything! It initially looked like a large chess board--you will just have to take my word for it. So, it started out Oak-colored, then became this blueish-gray color. That made me feel like it needed a chicken to be toll painted on it though, which is a little too much like my mom's house circa 1985.

Next it became this peacock blue color which was too teal in my opinion. I used my trusty Wagner sprayer. I've used this $100 dollar sprayer for years and it always delivers. There is a bit of a learning curve so don't be disappointed if you struggle with it for awhile. I've found that thinning the paint is a very important step. I generally use oil-based paints as I feel that they give you a smoother, more sturdy finish.

Finally it became this; a dark navy. I want to be the person that has the super-bold colors in her home, but I always seem to gravitate to the classics. I'm still figuring out what I want on the walls and the bulletin board but I'm happy with the desk part of the project.

Next up, a photo wall: done the easy way.

I started this project at 5:00 p.m., pizza for dinner!

Okay. What I do first is, get kind of a vague idea of how high I want the top row and how low I want the bottom row to be hung. If you're a perfectionist, . . .look the other way.

Then I use heavy duty Velcro and attach it to the upper corners and bottom middle of the frame. I mark on the wall with pencil along the bottom of the frame to guide me where to line it up. Then I get my leveler device thingy and set it along the top of the frame as I carefully approach the wall. Holding both sides of the frame, I even up both of the sides to keep the picture level, then I push it in firmly to the wall. The hardest part is done.

I like the distance between the pictures vertically to be half the distance between the pictures horizontally. Got that? So mine is 1-1/2 inches between pictures side-by-side (vertically) and 3 inches between pictures up-and-down (horizontally). So I get a piece of cardstock or cardboard (anything will work just use something firm), and I cut them out according to how far apart I want them to be both ways. That means I have two different widths of cardstock. Still with me?

Then I get the next picture all ready to go with the velcro but don't take off both sides of the sticky yet, just adhere it to the frame. I go to the wall, put the piece of cardstock between the two pictures and the leveler ontop between the two pictures (as demonstrated). Then once I see that they are level and the correct distance from each other (I do this with one hand pushing the picture against the wall, and the other holding the cardboard piece I've cut.) Then you take a pencil out, which has been patiently waiting for you while resting on your ear. And you put two little dots along the corners of the bottom of the frames on the wall. Take the frame off from the wall, remove the velcro covering, thus revealing the sticky part. Find the two little dots, align up your picture with them and push your frame onto the wall.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. As many times as your little heart desires. I did the pictures along the bottom row first then proceed to my middle row. The process of aligning pictures horizontally is the same except you place your leveler along the outside of the two frames, making sure that they line up correctly. You will need to do this for the middle and upper rows. Align them vertically and horizontally that is, but you probably already knew that because you're awesome.

Viola!

Some eye candy at the end for you. :)

Do yourself a favor

2011-11-22T06:48:00.000-08:00

Run out and get the ingredients for this stuffing. You will love it, your taste buds, and me.

Thanksgiving 2009-jealous over my fabulously decorated table, eh?

Jamie's friend Kim's mom's stuffing recipe:

1 Cube butter
5 or 6 celery sticks
1 white onion
Cook these ingredients together over med heat till soft. Then add, 4 mild Italian sausage links and cook until done.

Make a Marie Calenders cornbread in an 8 x 8 pan. They sell her mix at Costco or most grocery stores, there is really no substitute for this.

Once cooled add this to the blue bag of Pepperidge Farms stuffing, mix up and break it apart with your hands.

Combine everything and add 2 eggs, 2 t poultry seasonings, and as much milk as you want to get it to your desired level of sogginess. I don't like it soggy so I usually only add about 1/3 of a cup milk.

Bake 350' for 30-40 min.

Eat and think of how awesome the Meads are.

A love letter to Arizona.

2011-11-19T13:11:00.000-08:00

We've kind of gotten off to a rocky start. I was sick with pregnancy. You were hot. I missed my friends so so much, I missed my kids having friends. You were lonely place. I missed knowing where every cool store was. You were hot. I missed Becky. You were dusty. I missed my weekly tennis games. I missed our wonderful babysitter who came every Saturday night and loved us so well and we loved her. You had scorpions. I missed going to yoga everyday with an amazing instructor. You weren't Texas.

But. You do have mountains. And I love mountains. So much. I've missed being near them more than I realized.

If you look closely at this picture you'll see Owen and Luke way up there.

View from my patio. The desert can be beautiful if you look for it. I can feel myself almost softening. Opening up to the possibility of Arizona. The possibility that I could actually grow to love it here. It's hard to say that. Silly though, but it almost feels like I'm cheating on my love for Texas.

I've realized over these past months that while I loved many many things about Texas what I loved most were the people and connections I had there. My people as Lily says. But, while I miss those people everyday, there are people here too. . .

Making good friends is a process that takes time. There are no shortcuts to getting to know somebody. Seeing if you connect and understand each other. Developing a sort of shorthand communication. Laughing and getting each other. It just takes time.

No way around it, the process of blooming where you're planted can sometimes, be a painful, lonely time. For me, it's been compounded by a time in my life when I've felt I could have really used my friends shoulders to lean on. To be strong for me when I can no longer bear what I am called to bear. I'm better now, but still writing this down tears well up, unbidden to my eyes. It has been hard. But mostly, it's just been lonely.

I've always been a social creature. I'm so used to seeing my girlfriends everyday. Doing fun stuff with them every week. Going to parties, get-togethers, waving at them while riding by on my bike, shopping trips together, impromptu lunch, meeting up at the park, taking walks with them, putting on our workout clothes to go and hit it hard only to wind up sitting down for an hour on the grass chatting.

Mick Jagger's song comes to mind, You can't always get what you want, but, sometimes, you get what you need.

I know one day I will have this again. These connections with people. That I'll drive around in my car (now a mini-van, no wonder I'm having an identity crisis) and I'll have someone to wave to as I drive by. Eventually. And! I'll still have all those people in Texas.

While I will always have passionate love for Texas (Texans if you didn't already know are fiercely proud of Texas) I'm developing a love for Arizona. It's almost like the love you have for your children. You love different things about them, their own special qualities that makes them, them. But, you still love all of them, just differently.

For now though, I feel gratitude for the mountains. My doors are always open as the perfectly comfortable, lovely air wafts through my house. I can hear the vague sounds of my children playing in the desert. Running wild, finding creatures, building forts, climbing mountains. . .being children. This, this is the childhood I've envisioned for them, and that, my friends is, as Mick says"sometimes. . .you might just find you get what you need".

Arizona, you're growing on me. . .

You can take the girl out of the skirt.

2011-11-19T13:00:00.000-08:00

But you will never take Lily out of one.

Lily loves to be feminine. Bows, ruffles, pink, princess dresses, skirts. All of it. All of the time. She changes her clothing thirty times a day, at least. That's probably an underestimation. Cereal.

We say cereal in place of the word serious. I don't know where it got started but actual meanings of words are no threat to us. We make up our own rules here.

Lily put on this little number last week upon my instructions that she had to wear pants to school. It was a bit chilly, a lovely 71 degrees. Arizona is trying to make out with me through her weather. It's working.

She bounded out of her room and I just laughed to myself. This is just so,. . .her.

I'll obey you, but, I'm still doing it my way.

Dinner, decorating and music. Or just about every single day of my life.

2011-11-19T12:41:00.000-08:00

Chad boiled it down to the three things I do most these days; Milking (I'm trying to not be offended), decorating and shopping. The milking is new, but the other two are kinda staples.

Dinner. Done. Super easy and makes you look like a rock star to children. I make Pioneer woman's meatballs. Her recipe makes a bunch, I double it and love myself later for it. I form the meatballs, put them on a cookie sheet and stick em in the freezer to chill. Once firm, I take them and stick about 20-25 in a freezer bag for an easy meal later. From doubling her recipe I usually get five freezer bags of ready to go meatballs! Hooray.

Then on a day like this at 5:30 when I'm in the middle of five different things I can still be awesome.

Katy and I turn her up, throw the frozen meatballs in my le creuset with some olive oil. Put a pot of water on to boil and get my Costco jarred spaghetti sauce. If I don't want to make my marinara sauce this one comes the closest to it.

Between turning the meatballs I kiss baby.

If you try to turn them before they properly brown they will kind of tear open. Be patient. Channel your inner zen.

Finish your decorating project with ample confidence in your mad skills. So confident that you make a red sauce with white lamp shade a mere three feet away.

I AM WOMAN.

Then, when this happens. . .

Never fear. You are in control. Master of your domain. There's no problems only solutions. Takes more muscles to frown than to smile.

That is all.

Luke is now seven.

2011-11-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

We had a party to prove it.

In keeping with tradition there was a birthday crown. Luke, still my sweet little boy wanted to wear his crown to school. I love that about Luke. He doesn't care what other people think about him one whit. He has the confidence to do what he likes and be who he is.

Some brotherly love.

Doesn't Luke look absolutely adorable. I wonder how much longer I will be able to use the word adorable or for that, want to? He he.

For dinner, there was beef on a bun. Try not to be disgusted by the fat being thrown down the drain. This is a great meal. Easy, delicious and everybody loves it.

Beef on a Bun

3 to 6 lb chuck roast
4 cups water
1 cup sherry
1 cup soy sauce
3 large rosemary twigs
1/2 T kosher salt
1 T thyme

Put all the ingredients in a crock pot for 6 to 12 hours, depending on when you remember you want to eat that evening.

Remove meat from crock pot, separate the fat and put back in the crock pot over low heat. Remove some of the beef juices and put it in one of those fat separators.

Caramelize 1 onion

Slice kaiser rolls in half, top with meat, onions and provolone or white cheddar cheese. Toast in oven just till cheese melts.

Serve with a tiny bowl of the beef beef juices.

Viola. You are a genius.

Buy them, no need to get all crazy and make them.

This photo is in now way related to the birthday celebrations but someone is looking too adorable to ignore.

Yay! Once I can no longer call Luke adorable, there's always Jack!

Now back to the party. Balloons, cake, presents.

Wishes were made.

Lily to Owen, "I want tend (ten) of dem, de pwincess."

We take our wishis very seriously.

He wished for a thousannnnnnnnnnnd more wishes.

Chad informed him that that wish is against the wish making rules. He then changed it to a thousannnnnnnnnnd video games.

Gifts were guessed on.

Happy birthday Luke. You are very loved. You're seven year old self is incredible. You have your dad's charms. You keep us and everyone you encounter in stitches. You're always saying some clever/funny thing. Very very often you will say something hilarious then your dad and I will lock eyes to communicate something silently. No words are necessary, we just take a moment and look at each other. We both already know what is happening in that moment.

. . .how proud we both are of you.

Could you just die.

2011-11-09T20:38:00.000-08:00

I am immensely talented.

I make the cutest babies.

Photo randomness.

2011-11-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

We love this salad. I got the recipe from a friend but being as I've moved and so has she, I now freely claim it as mine! I am a genius in the kitchen.

This one is truly mine. Easy easy and so yummy. Saute in a little olive oil, kosher salt, black pepper and a little red pepper flakes. Just for a few minutes over med-high heat, stirring frequently. YUM.

Chad discovered the secret to rough housing/co-existing with children. Noise cancelling head phones! Not just for mowing the lawn, these bad boys will save us thousands in hearing aides in the future.

She dresses herself. Like this. All day long.

I've been getting my furniture refinishing out of my system. It's especially easy to do when you wake up and it's pouring cats and dogs in the desert and you have your project out in the elements trying to dry. Yeah, that's fun to wake up to. But. A day in the garage drying out and viola! Presto chango, everything turned out okay. A miracle in November. The table is no longer that color too, it's now a color called Peacock Blue. I'll post the office with the new table in it soon.

While I painted away, the children do as they do, frolicking. Isn't she a beautiful frolicker? While she zoomed around on this conveyance she made noises like a race car. I know I say it all the time. But, just to be clear, THESE ARE THE DAYS. Life is just so darn, AMAZING.

Owen working the Ripstick.

I know I'm completely unbiased but isn't she beautiful?

. . .salad, noise cancelling devices, haricot verts, rain coats, painting projects, and beautiful beautiful Lily. How's that for some Wednesday evening randomness?

Halloween 2011.

2011-11-09T19:32:00.000-08:00

This year we had a witch (who was feeling under the weather), a ninja, a vampire and a . . .Jack in the box. He he.

Little witch not feeling so hot. Turned out she had strep throat. So did the Owen and Luke. They were incredibly motivated by candy though and didn't let a little infection get in their way! The Tylenol kicked in about thirty minutes after this was taken though, so she did end up enjoying the evening.

Little witch was so excited about her costume. It came in the mail about five days before Halloween. She wore it approximately fifteen hours each day for those five days. Even the hat. It. was. SO. freaking. CUTE.

Our Vampire. Owen took till the last minute this year to decide what to be. It's kind of sad, he didn't really even want to dress up. But upon learning that if you don't dress up you don't get candy. . .he wised up.

Deadly ninja. Luke wore the costume around the house the entire day it came in the mail, even sleeping in it. He was prepared for anything!

Posers.

The whole gang. Since we have no neighbors we invaded a neighboring neighborhood. Where we crushed our record for largest candy intake in under an hour.

Get it?

Time crept up on me as I scrambled to get Jack's costume (i.e., his hat) made with only an hour to spare. Thankfully Owen was pumped to make the box part of the costume.

Candy has kicked in.

Good times trick or treating, we mostly were with Lily and Jack, the boys would run a couple of houses ahead of us. Then they'd wait and we'd do a few together and then they would be off again. We enjoyed our time with everyone though, we know the years are fleeting and soon we won't get to go trick or treating with them. But for now we do, so we're enjoying the hell out of that.

Where is a megaphone when you need one.

2011-11-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

I found out that Jack had Down syndrome on May 15th at 1:36 pm. I was laying in my bed taking a nap. Lily was at preschool, I was alone in the house. I knew the results were close to being done as I had already harassed April twice wondering if they had any information. Then the phone rang and I saw the caller ID FETAL WOMENS CENTER appear.

She said she would call the moment the results came in. . .

This picture was taken the morning before I found out. I was sick with worry about the impending results. I would try and convince myself that everything would be fine. Our baby would be healthy. This would eventually be a distant memory that on occasion would come up, "yeah, we had a close scare too with our fourth, but, as you can see everything turned out just fine."

Fine. Just fine.

It's interesting how common sayings take on new meaning when it touches you so personally. Almost without fail when people are expecting a child they'll talk about whether it's a boy or girl. Then more often than not, they throw their hands up and say something like, "doesn't matter just so long as he or she is healthy."

What if he or she isn't?

What then? Does that somehow matter for how you will feel about them? Or how much their life is worth? Isn't it enough that they are just yours, however they get to come to you?

I spent the next weeks and months searching out these questions and the other million that popped into my brain, "is he going to live with us when he's 32?"

Jack stopped being the hopes of my sweet unborn child and became Down syndrome. That is all I could think of when I thought of him. Even if at first the thought didn't start there it would inevitably end up circling around that unknown. He became my living, growing. . .worry. There were days towards the end that I would be able to convince myself for a couple of days how things were going to be just fine. Fine -- that word again.

But, deep down, in an ugly part of me I was afraid. Afraid to admit that I was worried that I wouldn't love Jack the same. It's hard to write about it even now. It's so personal, unpolished, un-perfect. Not the kind of mother I hope that I am.

I desperately searched the internet for information. Spending hours pouring over blogs, you-tube, message boards, web-sites that claimed to increase intelligence for people with Down syndrome. I watched hours of videos posted by strangers, anything with someone with Down syndrome in it. When I'd see someone that seemed "high functioning" my hopes would soar. But, then I would come across someone who wasn't and I would be crushed.

I was so bothered that I didn't already know what camp Jack would fit into. I called countless strangers who were a friend of a friend and even some a friend of a friend of a friend. I asked them all similar questions, but, what I was really interested in was how they felt about their child. Except I was too chicken to give voice to those pathetic feelings. So, I would talk but mostly listen, wait and hope. Desperately trying to quiet my fears.

I listened to them all; Shelly, Jane, Karen, Bethany, Kelly, Beth, Cheryl, Tara, Lindsay, Kim, Mariah. Some would talk for hours, and I was more than happy to listen. I will forever be grateful for the kindness of these women. They gave me their heart when mine was breaking. They offered me hope, a hope that was my dental floss of a life line.

Without fail they all said the same things;

You will love this baby so much.
One day, you'll see that this was the greatest thing that happened to your family.
You will have so much joy.

I WISH THEY HAD USED A MEGAPHONE.

Shelly with her not-so-perfect but completely perfect child.

Because, while I heard them, I didn't really hear them. I didn't absorb the depth and breadth of what they were saying. Of how true those words were. How honestly, it just doesn't matter that everything isn't just fine.

. . .because who wants fine, almost everyone gets fine. You get extraordinary.

Mr Kitty and hard truths.

2011-11-02T11:54:00.001-07:00

Mr. Mead loves cats and I love me some Mr. Mead. So last Christmas I took it upon myself to surprise the family with a new member. To say we've been struggling with keeping kitty's around would be an understatement. But I'm no quitter! Consequences be damned.

Enter Mr. Kitty.

Pathetically his name was seriously Mr. Kitty. People are idiots. Even Luke came up with better names than that, Granger for one. In an effort to save myself the new kitty ordeal (de-clawing, potty training, shots, etc) I went the adult route. Craigslist the the rescue.

I decided on the Russian Blue breed, as you all know how important it is to me to only surround myself with beautiful people and pets are no exception. Evidence to follow; remember this. Imagine my excitement when I found the perfect pet who met all four of my ideal pet requirements: attractive, de-clawed, potty trained, and free. I pushed out any suspicions as to why a pet owner would essentially give away a family member. I wasn't about to let that get in the way of an easy deal.

We met at the Central Market parking lot, she was of course a single, chubby white female (which I can say without repercussion because right now I too am a few Snickers bars past fitting into anything but sweatpants). She introduced me to Mr. Kitty and all his paraphernalia. A bowl that read Mr. Kitty (seriously) and about a large garbage bag sized worth of cat toys. Clue. A person that is this into cats probably wouldn't give away a cat, unless, there is something wrong with aforementioned cat.

I. will. not. be. deterred!

When asked why Misses Kitty was giving away Mr. Kitty she told me that she felt he needed to be with a family. That while she was away at work Mr. Kitty was oh so lonely and so he would, throw up, from. . .loneliness. I know what you're thinking, I am an idiot. But! He had four out of the four ideal pet requirements! Push reason and logic aside and just go with it!

Go with it, I did and Mr. Kitty and I went home and surprised the whole family. Look what mama brought home from the market. BAM! Who's your mama now.

Imagine my surprise when Mr. Kitty threw up. And not just any throw up but, like, diarrhea throw up, and like ten times a day. Shockingly the love of a family didn't cure him. Maybe it wasn't loneliness after all? A visit to the vet confirmed that in fact Mr. Kitty wasn't lonely, Mr. Kitty was in kidney failure. A call to the former Misses Kitty also confirmed that she was more or less aware of the situation. How much aware we'll never know because at one point she stopped answering my calls. I never.

Cat lovers, close your eyes, there is really only one solution when your cat goes into kidney failure. And lets just say, it isn't life on a farm, at least even though that's where your kids think he is, trust me, he isn't.

That's the thing about life. It is hard. Tough choices have to be made. We have to do things we don't want to, sometimes, especially so because those we love suffer if we run from a hard truth. Shots have to be given, medicine to be taken, slivers must be pulled out, cats are put to sleep and sometimes, if you're the Mead's your children have to be operated on.

We're no strangers to a hospital or an operating room for that. Owen list of surgeries include three pancreatecomy's, one g-tube placement, nissen fundaplication, and ear tubes. Luke's include a pancreatecomy, g-tube placement, and eye surgery. So far Lily's only include me pinning her down to pop a Molescum.

But, Jack, his, his day is to come. Fear creeps in from every side when I think about it, about my baby and how much I love him. How much I am afraid. How much is at stake. How alone Chad and I feel with worry.

Open heart surgery is no joke, not even for someone as irreverent as I. Hopefully one day, far from now it will be. This, this is one of those hard truths that I would like to be like Misses Kitty and run from. Make someone else deal with the dirty work. Let me carry on my merry way of just enjoying life and not doing hard things, scary things, painful things. Things that will make life better for those we love.

But. As they say, if life were easy then it wouldn't be so hard. This is the way of it, pain paves the way for healing. It isn't necessary for you to have experienced similar things to relate to how I feel. Life offers all kinds of opportunities for each of us to suffer in our own ways and then eventually grow and be better. Stronger than we are today, more prepared to face the struggles of tomorrow with wisdom hard earned.

Still, while you are in it, in those moments where you feel like you can't take it anymore, you have to remember why you do what you do. Even if those moments are simply; house is a mess, everyone's hungry and you don't have dinner ready, homework's not done, husband's late and stuck in traffic, baby's crying, stubbed your toe dammit! Breath. . .breath, take a moment and remember what it's all for, who it's for. One thing at a time, don't yell, stay calm.

We'll all have victory's together, whether it's open heart surgery or getting through a crazy day. We can do the right thing. One day at a time.

Down right awesome.

2011-10-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we went to our first down syndrome walk. We weren't sure what to expect. We got there an hour and half late for check in. And thank goodness! We checked in, got our t-shirts and had another hour to kill. Thankfully they had music, bounce houses, hair coloring and face painting to do.

Good thing they will always have their mother to think their cute.

Lily is a 10 on the cuteness scale.

The boys got boatloads of candy and tiny foam footballs. We lost count after Luke had collected eight.

Shelly and Cavin

Now we don't think we should walk down the street without crowds of people cheering for us. It's just how life should be.

We celebrated with the ASU crowds. Walked the parade route down the center of ASU. Got to the end and promptly turned around and went home.

. . .yeah we're hard core.

We love.

Skipping school, first grade style.

2011-10-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I sent Luke off to school only to go and pick him up an hour later. Checked him out for the day, a little vague to the secretary.

"Look! Something shiny over there, check it out Jackie!"

Slinks out the door.

Luke, Lily, Jack and I were bound for the zoo.

Luke has always been nuts for animals. He'll even pick up gross bugs, at which point I do self talk and try not to act disgusted. Jack and Lily came along for the good time. Luke and Lily were both really good too being as I had to stop and nurse Jack twice. They stayed together and got to get a really good look at the Baboons and Reptile house.

The longer stay at the Baboons brought up some really good conversation about animal breeding habits. To which Lily did her signature "Ha ha haha ha" laugh. A laugh that she let rip on me the other day upon seeing me naked while coming out of the shower.

I'm trying to not take it personal.

I'm going to try and take each child out of school once or twice each year and spend the day doing something that interests each child. Goals, people, goals.

Maybe some one on one parent time will cut down on future days of skipped school. Even though I have such fine memories of cutting class. Many I will not share (I want my kids to not be social deviants after all). But one of my favorites took place my Sophomore year of high school. My friends, Cassie, Brooke, Laniya and I got the great idea to go over and pay a visit to our rival high school. Kamiakin. Ohhh, the evil rival high school, but I actually liked our rival high school. I mean, there were a bunch of cute guys who went there.

So, we stared off without a plan but over the course of the ten minute car trip we came up with a plan. We'd pull their fire alarm. Imagine how evil it could have been if the car ride was twenty minutes! I was the driver and we were in my trusty first car, snot. Lovingly given that name by Heather McCain because every time you turned left antifreeze would shoot out the passenger side . It also didn't have any heat. A beaut, let me tell you, a beaut.

We pulled up in the back area by the kitchen. I used my amazing mad driving skills and backed my car right up on the curb. Right next to the four double doors leading in to the school. I can't remember who got out and pulled it, probably Brooke but pulled it she did! We made a clean getaway and it was so much fun we did it again a couple of months later.

Hopefully by the time my children are teenagers they will think I'm so lame that they won't read this. These days if kids do anything remotely like this they are just about sent before a firing squad. What a shame. Some good ole fashion community disorderly conduct.

Lily up a tree. Where she belongs.

Balance, balance do not look down!

Where's Luke?

Jackie boy was so good. His first time to the zoo outside of my body. We went when I was six months pregnant on a field trip for Luke's class. Above 100 degree temperatures made it so miserable that within the hour I had collected up Luke and Lily and we were outta there.

Zoo in October = pleasant, I don't want to kill myself or you time.

Spooky houses, some with garages.

2011-10-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

In an effort to win mother of the year award. I got my craft on with a project I found online while doing some very important internet research. Yahoo, Facebook, Google Reader, People.com . . .you know the 'important' stuff.

Arizona has been making up with me so we did it outside even!

EVERYONE!!!, use those SPRINKLES!!! Now is your chance!!! Seize this moment!

And seize, seize she did. Using four entire bottles of sprinkles. Good to get that out of the system.

Jack came out for the entertainment and Luke ate just about as many candies as were put on his house. One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you.

Chicken faijtas. We eat lots and lots of chicken round here.

2011-10-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

Chad served his mission in Venezuela. Land of beans and rice and very very little, seasonings. In fact, according to Chad zero seasonings. He came to a greater understanding of how wars were fought over spice, that people risked their lives to obtain them. That's how important flavor is. After two years he was probably dangerously close to similar drastic actions.

And for those of us who've had a plain baked potato we totally get them. So, Chad ate plain rice and beans for two years straight. When we met he mentioned (about a thousand times) that as long as he lives he will never eat rice or beans again.

He probably now feels that way about Chicken Fajitas.

They are a staple in my, "Crap it's 5:00 and I haven't got an idea of what to make for dinner!"

Chicken Fajitas to the rescue! Dun dun a dun.

It is down to a science now and I can whip em out in under fifteen minutes. First you (I just had the Winnie the Pooh clean up song race through my head, "First you pick it up, put it in the bag, bamp bamp.")take a skillet and put in a T of olive oil on med-high heat. Add in as many frozen chicken tenders as you like. Sprinkle each side generously with Djardines Fajita spice. Cook till they look like the picture above for ultimate yum factor.

Remove from heat and place on cutting board, then sigh at the mess on your cook top. Resist the temptation to clean it while it is burning hot. I cannot tell you how many friggin times I have to learn that lesson.

Cook tortillas in a bit of oil on griddle till almost crispy. Look and coo at the delicious baby while doing this.

Set them aside and get fixings ready. Sour cream, guacamole, shredded lettuce, cheese and pico if you've got it.

Serve to very grateful children. They love this meal, no matter how many millions of times they've had it. Nourishing them one day at a time. I mean, don't get me wrong, I actually love to cook. For enjoyment, I look through cooking books. But. Feeding people three times per day plus snacks day after day, gets old.

So, on days where I'm just not inspired, Chicken Fajita's, it's your time to shine!

I hope they remember things like this and not my obsessive cleaning.

2011-10-22T21:52:00.002-07:00

--me at around age four--

For those of you who know me at all or have visited my house you know how I heart clean. Oh, how I love clean. I want to sit and write love songs about clean. It just soothes the savage beast within me. According to my mom and my many many memories of childhood, I just came out this way. My mom remembers often coming home to find that I had organized, cleaned and re-arranged her furniture. Funny yes, made even funnier when you factor in the fact that I was five.

My passion for clean grew with me. When I was a teenager I would enlist my little brothers to help surprise my parents on Saturday morning when they went on errands. Okay, pretty much only Josh would help. Jay would drag his feet and take ALL DAY to do one tiny little job (yes, I visualized hurting him many a time). One time I actually did and oh, it felt soooo good. I had just finished cleaning our huge family kitchen. Jay went into the kitchen to get cereal. In true Jay fashion he left the box opened on the counter top, rice crispies on the counter that he had spilled and even some on the floor.

Enter Jamie who was whipped from cleaning for hours and this, this was just too much. Jay was standing there over his mess smirking at me. So, I did what any reasonable person would do. I walked over to him calmly so as not to alarm him as to what was coming. My hand reached out beneath the cereal bowl he was eating from and guided it gently up towards his face. Jay was covered in milk, rice crispies and. . .shame. Boo-yah.

Yes, I had to clean that mess up too.

But boy it felt good. Still brings a smile to my face. Jared and Justin would try to help clean but they were both so young that they made a bigger mess by trying to help. Occasionally my older brother Jason would help but usually he didn't, he wasn't about to let his little sister boss him around after all.

Funny thing, once I left for college and got married shortly after both my parents shared how much they missed me being home. Independent of each other too! I was touched, then they expressed how the house just hasn't been the same since I moved out. Oh! You miss, Jamie the maid, m-kay. Yeah, I thought that was a bit too touchy feeley for you dad. :)

All this to say, I heart clean, always have.

Well those of you who have little children (who aren't weirdos like me) know how they heart messes. They love to help cook, do crafts with glitter and glue sticks, build forts all of the living room pillows and leave toys always within close reach on the floor scattered throughout the house. I mean who knows, they could get a hankering for playing with that toy car and barbie while in the guest bathroom. Good to be prepared, and leave it on the floor, just to be safe.

Enter the struggle. They are all working together to mess make and I am alone in the dark and dreary world trying to keep clean. CLEAN!!! I could look at the positive and remember, they are at least working cohesively on something. Without fighting too! But, I am me and thus I cannot. So, I walk around all day, everyday picking up that barbie doll and toy car. I give out chore lists when they get home from school and generally ask them to put away this or that about twenty times a day at least. You may think I am exaggerating. I AM NOT. And that is the sad part.

I know that my passion for clean is probably a wee bit over the top. It's my problem, something that I try to be aware of and intentionally compensate for. I'm like a crazy person, doing self talk.

. . .(In my mind)

"Good mothers let their children cut out the cookies and decorate with sprinkles."

"Good mothers play in messy rooms with their children without trying to clean them up at the same time."

"Children have happier childhoods if they are allowed to paint on perfectly clean kitchen counter tops."

"Children who get to add the ingredients to recipes commit less violent crimes than those who didn't."

"Children who were able to quickly find toy car and barbie on bathroom floor are less likely to view porn."

But seriously, I am trying. Trying to remember that they are young for such a short period of time. That soon, no one will be fighting to add the eggs (eggshells included!), or want me to play in the fort of pillows they created in my perfectly clean living room. That what we do together each day slowly, gradually, day upon day forms what kind of person they will be. How they look at the world and treat others. How they will feel about themselves.

May sound like a bit of an overstatement but, I know that it is not. That as a mother, these precious years we have together are critical. These are the days that I have real, lasting influence over my children. And if I spend all my time tidying up to have my precious CLEAN! I will forever lose the most important opportunity to make meaningful impacts in the lives of the people I love the most.

So, that is why I try, and fight against my natural desire for CLEAN! Forgoing what I think is most important today (CLEAN!) for what I know is what is most important forever, my babies. That, I alone as their mother have the opportunity to do more good through how I choose to spend my time.

As was said in the movie Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, "Choose, choose wisely."

Thoughts on other people's emotional baggage and plants.

2011-10-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

I think I've mentioned that Chad and I like to lay in bed and talk. Sometimes it's just for a few minutes and other times it's for hours. Then we both hate ourselves in the morning for the few precious hours of sleep we got. But. Those talks have brought us closer together over the years. They have also revealed some startling confession from the guilty of heart. Not me of course, I am perfect and would never do anything wrong.

Well except for that time that I totally screwed over a used car dealer by selling him a car that wouldn't run anymore. I'm probably going to go to hell for that one for sure. I was just twenty one years old though. And he was after all a used car dealer, I mean, he probably totally had it coming, right? How did I do it you wonder. . .

Well, we're way off the subject of other people's sins but since I've peaked your curiosity. . . We were thinking of selling my Hyundai Sonata a car that was the bain of my existence. This piece of sh** car was ALWAYS breaking down and stranding us. My impulse purchase of this car when I was eighteen has been thrown in my face countless times by my loving husband. Even today! He will still bring up my bad purchase as a legitimate reason why we should get something what he wants to. People.

Anyways. It was a terrible car. But, it looked nice. It's only redeeming quality. So, one day we thought about maybe selling it and cutting our losses. It was running fine but we knew another expensive repair was just around the corner. I took it into a used car dealer where he checked it out from top to bottom and then offered me a paltry $2000 dollars for it.

Offended I rejected it outright and said, "Good day, good day to you sir."

Fast forward one week. The radiator blew up (again) and the automatic windows wouldn't roll down or up and the drivers window would fall down and not roll up. So, ehummp, I. . .did something, something kinda bad. I, um, had the car towed to a window repair shop, where I paid a guy $20 bucks to just put the drivers window up, not fix it, just put it up so it looked alright. Then, umm, I. . .had the car towed again.

This time, I had it towed one block away from the used car dealer (I can already sense you judging me, btw.) Paid the tow truck guy and for those of you who have a shared history of driving crappy cars you understand why just one block away. Cars with bad radiators will drive fine for a few minutes, until they start to "heat up". Literally, smoke, etc.

So, one block away from freedom at this point. I didn't even hesitate. I drove straight up to the used car lot. Parked it, walked in and said casually, " yeah, I think I changed my mind and want to sell it to you after all."

Used car guy getting screwed, "Oh, great! Sit down and I'll get you a cashiers check. Or do you prefer cash?"

. . ."you'd better make it cash."

I walked away with a cool $2000 dollars in my pocket, literally walked away. Called Chad from a pay phone to come pick me up. You can probably imagine his surprise to hear of my little outing. What can I say, I come from a long line of fiercely independent women. And, possibly some criminals, given my panache for it.

So now you know my one and only sin, it was a pretty big one. And occasionally I've thought about going back and trying to make it right but that dealer is out of business. Correlation? . . .no. Now ya'all just remember that great line from Raising Arizona, "you who is without sin can cast the first stone." I know, I know it was also written in the bible but Nicolas Cage really gave the line that extra umph.

Do yourself a favor and the next time Raising Arizona is on TNT, watch it. Then you can see one of my favorite movie scenes of all time. The part where Holly Hunter holds and looks at their new, stolen, baby. She looks at him, and immediately sobs, "I love him soooo much. Aghhhh."

. . . movie hilarity. Also watch Overboard and Baby Boom if they come on. For some reason, no matter how many times I've seen those three movies whenever they come on I can't resist.

This post has gotten way off subject. Back to things my husband has done wrong in his life.

You're probably wondering what pictures of all these houseplant have to do with; Chad's sins, me essentially stealing thousands of dollars from innocent people (be honest, you'll never look at me the same, right?), and movies from the eighty's. Well, a lot! Okay, only for Chad's sins. See, when Chad was a teenager his parents divorced. It was very sad time for him, a period of some hard years. Worsened by the quick remarriage of his father to an evil woman.

I've never met her and only seen one photo of her, but everyone (Chad, his sister and dad) agree that she was a terrible person. I bet she was even evil enough to sell lemon cars to people. . .

Well, this terrible, horrible, awful person that Chad's dad remarried a year later moved into Chad's childhood home. This person, brought her furniture, nick nacks, and, brace yourself, houseplants. Yes, this woman, this horrible horrible woman liked plants. Apparently, so much that she brought in multiple plants. The horror.

As with most relationships with pure evil people go, they eventually divorced. Thankfully, years later Chad's dad remarried a non horrible person. One that we all love. But, the damage was done. Chad hated plants. An emotional reaction Freud would call displacement or transference.

--Luke photo bomb!--

Had it, he did! Fast forward to our first years of marriage. Little, innocent Jamie in efforts to make her surroundings beautiful would bring home a nice houseplant. She would go to great pains to see to their survival but would always futilely fail. Frustrated, she would try again and again with more and more houseplants. Always to the same demise, and so quickly!???

Naive, trusting as she was she would blame herself. Then to cope, she would go and buy herself a new outfit. Years passed, through the stability of a happy fulfilling relationship (except for those first few, phew!), people (Chad) began to quietly heal old wounds. Here is where those pillow talk confessions come in. Apparently, those scars from his parents divorce/remarriage manifested themselves in plant murders.

Many many many plant murders were committed before Chad was able to overcome some of his emotional baggage. He would pour bleach onto my houseplants until they died. I never!

We'll we had a good laugh at some of the stupid stuff we used to do. Like when I would hide Oreo's in old shoe boxes (people from big families will totally get this and those of you (like Chad) from not big families will not).

But as you can see from our blooming house, Chad has recovered.

. . .and I even trust him enough to ask him to water for me from time to time. Cheers to progress!

Jack's first bath.

2011-10-13T10:51:00.001-07:00

I must really want to preserve memories if I am posting photos of me looking the way I do. You would think with all of the inane details I am sharing of Jack that he was our first child. I think somehow knowing he is our last child makes us pause and savor him much more than we might otherwise. Monday his umbilical cord fell off so it was (drum roll please). . .bath time! Hooray! Chad was my assistant and part time paparazzi and we'd like to report that Jack loved his bath. That is all.

Fall break and swimming=chilly water.

2011-10-11T21:54:00.001-07:00

This past week the children have all been on fall break. Factor in a two week old and that's good ole fashion perfect timing! Not. Actually it hasn't been bad, I'm embracing the chaos and it seems to be serving me well. I haven't turned into the mean mom yet and it's already Thursday! Yeah for me! I must say that Arizona has been wooing me with her weather. It's sixty degrees in the morning and between seventy and eighty five for the high. Arizona one point. I open all my windows and doors and am loving it. Even though Chad reports seeing a Bobcat in our backyard two nights ago so I might want to rethink the open door policy. Now, that's an Ocelot, Bobcat and a Mountain lion for our wild animal tally in our backyard.

. . .poor poor poor kitties. RIP Augustus and Captain Cal.

Owen talked Luke into going swimming on Tuesday and let me just say one word, CHILLY. I put my foot in and it felt like a mountain stream in the spring. Whoa. But Luke was never one to shrink to a challenge. So document, I must. Luke jumped and jumped and fluttered about so much that Owen even joined him. Lily was all talk as she put her flippers on and went in as deep as her ankle bones.

To think: we almost didn't do this.

2011-10-11T21:53:00.003-07:00

Every time I look at Jack I think how much I love my husband.

That sentence deserves it's own paragraph. Shortly after having Lily I knew there was another baby meant for us. I talked with Chad and told him how I felt. To say he didn't feel the same would be an understatement. He thought with Lily our family was complete, finished, as in no more babies. I struggled with this knowledge. I didn't want to talk my husband into another child, I knew that would be a recipe for disaster. Time marched by. Year after year passed and my feelings only grew stronger. Every birthday wish, balloon launching wish, quiet prayer offered included my desire for this child.

From time to time Chad and I would talk about it. He knew of my wishes and hopes for our family. But he still didn't feel the same. So I continued to pray and wish for our child and for my husband's heart to be softened. Almost a year ago Chad came to me and told me that if I still felt as strongly that we should have another child. I couldn't believe it. I was elated. I asked him what had changed his mind. He told me that knowing of my desire for another child he decided to pray about it. To search out what was holding him back. He told me that after much prayer he realized that it only boiled down to selfishness. That he was comfortable and didn't want to "shake up" his life. But once he realized that was the only thing holding him back he also knew that was not a good enough reason.

So now you see why every time I look on at my beautiful son why my love for my husband increases. Tripleifys, quadtriplifys, a gaggle. I will forever be grateful for my husband who loved me so much and cared for me so well that he was willing to look at himself. To stretch his comfort level and grow. I often look at Chad in awe at the man he is. He was definitely a good man when I married him, but he is just so. much. better. now.

With my family all around me, I am a blessed woman. And the best part, I know it.

This may or may not even be our dog, we still don' t know.

2011-10-11T21:53:00.001-07:00

--Before

--After

Duke's beauty has been the casualty of a too busy family. Before you get all high and mighty on us and say we don't deserve our dog. Know this. We hurt deeply from Duke's lack of fur. I mean, his fur was just so. . .BEAUTIFUL. And his beauty is mostly what we love about him.

At least for Chad and I, the kids probably genuinely do love him. In our defense, we didn't know that after Duke got wet we had to comb out all his fur. Knowing that now, Duke will never get wet again. I kid, I kid, but seriously, probably only like once a year. The groomer lectured me for five minutes about how when I pick him up it is very very very important that I do not laugh at him. That such an act would insult and further humiliate my dog. To which I thought two things; 1-your a hippie and 2-I'm totally going to laugh at him. Laugh I did, and I still can't tell if he was insulted. When I brought him to the car, Lily was adamant that this was not our dog. I must say, she might just be right.

UPDATE! The dog that may or may not be our dog that we got from the groomers Monday afternoon is looking more and more to actually be our dog. He has chewed up sixteen paper plates, run off twice when his name was called and gets on the ottoman every time we walk out of the room.

A thought on staring.

2011-10-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of staring going on at our house lately. So much that another un-newborn child is jealous. Chad came up with the idea that Lily needed some uninterrupted staring time. Time where you seriously just stare at her. It sounds like the kind of thing that would end rather quickly but the opposite is actually true.

Like a true woman she fills up those quiet moments with chatter. Lily's mouth will run away in conversation and the designated starer will sit and look intently upon her face. She doesn't even need you to participate in the conversation. In fact any participation by the starer is cue for her to speak faster and more loud. I say more in reference to the word loud just to give you a baseline of where we are starting from.

We are already at the outside of the conversation at loud. As the one sided conversation continues her tone rises and falls as she conveys her excitement over this or that. Things like;

. . . something Lukey did
. . . how her new gogos went boom
. . . how Duke jumped and she went crash!
. . . I picked the fowers and dropped it but then i pwicked em up and wow!
. . . I wanna go wimming, I wanna go wimming, I don't care it cold, I like cold.
. . . then I gonna kick kick kick and wim.
. . . poop!
. . . I coulored the pwincess book and look! Beautiful.

So stare at her we must, for she desperately needs it. Two to three times per day at least. I'm not sure what Chad is thinking during his staring sessions, I deduce from the frequency of his sessions that he must be enjoying them as well. For me, I sit and stare at our little girl and think just how much I love her. How beautiful I think she is. How much I love the type of rough and tumble girl she is.

. . .how lovely these times are that we have together are.

Lily turned four, we tried to stop her and it didn't work.

2011-10-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

On Friday the 23rd of September we celebrated Lily turning four. I have no idea where the time went. I swear it was just yesterday that I was up at night nursing her. Lily is our only daughter and both Chad and I swear she's the toughest member of our family. She has boundless energy and is by far the loudest person I. have. ever. met.

Lily was home with me on Friday as we decorated the kitchen for her family party. Lily and I made her crown this year together, she loved choosing the glitter colors and cutting out images from magazines. She waited and waited patiently right next to her cake all afternoon. When her daddy (finally) got home we sang, ate and celebrated our Lily.

Her brothers were more than willing to help out with the lighting of the candles (Owen) and assisting blowing out the candles (Luke).

Luke even made her a gift, a piggy bank. Which was a red plastic cup with a name tag he made saying "Lily".

We of course did our traditional balloon launching, complete with wishes we all made. BTW, both of my wishes came true! And the next day even, I must say, I highly recommend the balloon wish launching.

Happy birthday baby girl, even though you're getting bigger, you'll always be my little girl. We love you Lily.

Going home.

2011-10-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

With day five of our hospital adventure came the firedrill discharge.

. . ."Um we need your room right now! They're back up seven women in triage and another just came through the door. Your time is up, get out!!"

Usually I'm the first one trying to get out of the hospital and this is the longest I've ever stayed. But I wanted to stay and be there for every feeding with Jack, which would have been quite difficult coming from home. So stay I did. Chad held down the fort at home and I spent a lot of time alone in the hospital with Jack.

Aside from Lily wearing the same clothes for five days and that horrible hour Chad and I spent thinking Owen had been kidnapped things went fairly smooth. What's that, kidnapped? Yes. It was nothing short of terrifying but alls well that ends well. Owen called Chad to ask him to come and get him from football on Tuesday evening, saying he didn't have his ride. Chad raced down to the field to get him, mind you it's almost 9pm at this point only to find an empty football field. Panic. No trace of him, I called and called and called his ride, no answer. Curse cell phones. Called the coach, no answer. Almost an hour later he was discovered, his ride had come and he'd been with his carpool through that hour of terror. Phew. I think I aged a year in that hour though.

We had to shuffle Lily around with different people for the times when Chad was needed at the hospital. Thank goodness for the kindness of people, who are willing to pitch in and help. I think we managed to completely irritate the CPR teacher with our sarcastic jokes and dropping the baby routines. We had fun though. 25 compressions and 2 breaths people! Oh, and make sure you start by saying,

"Baby, baby are you okay?"

. . .if no answer begin CPR. If your baby isn't able to use words yet though, and can't respond go ahead with CPR just to be safe. I kid, I kid.

So, once we managed to pawn Lily off on an unsuspecting person thinking they were just answering a friendly call from the Meads and not signing up for six hours of childcare. Chad made it the hospital just as I was discharged. We got lunch, filled my prescription and waiting very un-patiently (I did, Chad was his ever patient loving self) for the doctor to give us the final go ahead to discharge Jack too. Waiting waiting for her to get there and then decide if baby boy could go home too. We got the word that he was good to go!

More waiting though, discharge orders, last minute tests they wanted to run and a car seat pulse ox test. Hours later we were set to go at almost 4pm. We drove home with Chad's knees in the dashboard as Jack was situated behind him. This has also prompted somewhat of a death for me. The impending purchase of a mini van. Chad is ecstatic, considering he's been wanting this for years and I've been the hold out. The cash has been transferred from our savings and now we're just waiting for the right car to pop up on craigslist. I can't live without my leather, man.

Anyho, we made it home, settled Jack into his crib. Lily was a moment behind us and ran into the house excitedly screaming,

"Mom! I missed you SO SO SO SO So much! Where's Jackson? I got french fries and hambuuuger. Mom! mom, mom, mom, mom, look! Why is Jack kissing your boobie? That's pwivate. Mom mom mom I wanna hold Jack, put him right here. k, mom!!!"

It's been crazy, loud, busy but also, so beautiful. I finally have all my children home together with me.

The hospital got a little louder.

2011-10-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

I must really care about preserving memories if I'm publishing a photo of me looking like this. Whoa. That is scary. And even more scary, this is the best one of the six Chad took. Wow, that is saying alot. Sunday morning before church Chad brought the kids into meet Jack. I took Luke in and Chad took Owen and Lily in separately. While each child took their turn meeting Jack the others found some Spongebob on the T.V. and made themselves at home. Lily sprawled out on the floor of my room. All I could think the whole time was MERSA!! She is going to contract MERSA! Chad washed her all down with antibacterial soap before leaving and she loved that (sarcasm).

Owen was the only one who got to hold Jack Jack as he called him. Owen looked on at his brother, beaming with pride for him.

It was a short visit but a loud one none the less. Their exit managed to be even louder than their entrance thanks to the scrub down Lily received from her father. I loved seeing them in the hospital but. . .I was also glad to have the quiet back once they were gone.

Jackie boy, came early because he loves his mama.

2011-10-07T19:44:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I woke at three in the morning. My back was killing me and my stomach was tightening up every five minutes. Is this labor? No. Tried to go back to sleep. Two hours of this I finally gave up and figured I might as well go into the hospital to see if I was in labor. I couldn't sleep anyways. Chad helped me pack my bag and told me to call him to let him know. So, I drove myself to labor and delivery at Banner Gateway hospital. I didn't want to wake up anyone if I wasn't really in labor. Checked myself in and sure enough, I was in labor.

They tried some fluids for two hours to see if they could stop labor, send me home and have me come back Monday for my scheduled c-section. Nope. No stopping of the labor. They decided to go ahead and do the section right away. Once they decided that, it was a fire drill. Called Chad and had him get over to the hospital ASAP. He was getting the kids situated with our friends the Yorks.

Every person who came into my room, nurses, anesthesia, my OB, hospital paperwork person, would alarmingly ask me "where is your husband?!" Soon enough Chad got there, waited eight minutes, then stated, "what was the big hurry for me to get here, it looks like this is going to take a couple more hours to get going."

I'm thinking, "what's the hurry for you to get here?!". . .your wife is in labor you ninny!

. . .I tried to remember what I loved about him and how if I murdered my children's father, that would make it harder on me in the long run. So live, he must.

Eighty four seconds after Chad's incredibly stupid statement the nurses and anesthesia came in and escorted us to the operating room.

Dr. Beck who isn't my OB by rather my OB's partner delivered Jack. For some reason this was the most uncomfortable c-section. Tugging, pulling, pushing, makes me feel sick to even think back on it. Part of the problem was probably that the way the operating lights were tilted I could see the entire surgery.

. . .never do that. It will make you feel ill to watch yourself being operated on.

I know I could just exercise some self control but it was like a bad car accident, I just couldn't look away.

Jackson was born at 10:54 and came out with a bang! Literally. He came out peeing according to the surgery teams exclamations.

He was a champ from the get go. His Apgar scores were eight and then nine. Such a little man.

Here I am after. I look rather orange. Not sure what that is from.

Chad holding Jack for the first time. You can't really see it but underneath Chad's scrubs is a yellow shirt that Chad has worn for every delivery of our children. I've never thought much of it until I saw him show up to the hospital in it. I remembered that he'd worn it for all of the other deliveries. His lucky charm I guess.

Here I am getting to hold Jack for the first time, six hours after he was born. Chad and I walked together to the NICU. I pushed my IV pole with one hand and held Chad's hand with the other. As we walked together to be with our son I thought this is the last time we will do this. It felt right though. Jack is our last child but our time with him will bring many many firsts I'm sure.

The fourth and final blankie.

2011-10-07T19:40:00.001-07:00

Last week Chad came home with a most lovely crochet blanket for Jackson. It was done by a co-worker of Chad's, Brenda. Chad and I were both so moved by the time and effort it must have taken. People are just so, good.

Now the family of blankies is complete, all of our children have blankies knitted, crocheted or sewn by friends of the family.

Owen's-Karma Wright
Luke's-Kelly Meisse
Lily's-Samantha Ferris
Jackson's-Brenda Grote

I've kept all of their blankets in their memory boxes. All of the blankets were a daily part of the children's lives for many years. They slept with them, carried them all over the house, threw up on them (Luke), and loved them most of all. Until each of their days came where I knew it was time to sneak their blankies away. Occasionally they'd discover them and the blankets would re-immerse themselves in our daily lives. Only to re-disappear months later.

Now it is Jackson's time to love on his blankie and we're so grateful to Brenda and all of the others that have given the gift of comfort to our children.

This boy knows his way around a boobie.

2011-10-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hopefully none of Chad's friends still read this blog. Or anyone else. But I use this as my journal and I must remember this. Jack! You're such a man! You are an amazing little nurser. The nurses in NICU wanted you to do a training session for the other babies, they seriously did tell me that. You just came out and knew just what to do, which is so amazing for a little guy with all that you have going on.

The hours that I've spent with you have been so sweet. Your little hands holding on and watching your beautiful eyes grow wider and wider as you get down to business. And the noises! I could seriously die. So friggin sweet. I'm going to make a soundtrack and play it on my IPOD or at least a ringtone. Seriously. so. cute.

Ohhhh yeah.

Gentian Violet saves the day, but saying it's a wee bit messy, is an understatement. Something funny that I do not want to forget. Owen calls the act of nursing, nourishing. I've corrected him twice but have given up for two reasons; 1-Technically he is correct in what the act of nursing is doing, it is nourishing Jack, and 2-I laugh on the inside every time he says it. And ya'all know how much I love a good laugh!

Uh huh, uh huh, I'm good

2011-10-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

Luke was the first of the kids to meet Jack. I took him in while Chad managed the other two (really just Lily) in my hospital room. Luke and I walked hand in hand down the hospital corridor to the NICU. I was thinking how much Luke has grown and how cute he is while we were walking. He was chatting me up about what he had been doing with dad and about a new toy called Gogo's.

We entered the nursery, I had him wash his hands in preparation to hold his new little brother. After getting all cleaned up Luke walked up to Jack's crib, nodded his head twice and said,

"I'm good, you ready to go mom?"

Picture Chevy Chase in the movie Vegas Vacation, when they got to the Grand Canyon. Exactly. Nod nod, uh huh, uh huh.

Jackson home on Thursday, getting some sun. Don't worry, I left Duke to keep an eye on him.

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I think Luke with his two front teeth out is just about the cutest thing I've seen in awhile. He was so brave at the dentist too, went back all by himself and took it like a man! Luke has done so much growing up lately, been handling his Indian temper that I gave to him better too. He has also become such a great helper around the house too, never complaining when I ask him to do something. He's done a lot of growing up these past couple of months and I'm just so proud of my boy, Lukey.

We hope he survives. Seriously.

2011-10-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

The date of this photograph is Sunday the 25th of September, that will play an important role later in this post. Sunday morning Chad brought the kids to meet their brother. I knew a few moments before they got to my room that they were arriving. Lily is the ultimate announcer. Chad took Lily into the NICU to meet Jack for the first time. She was very excited but had no clue that this was her brother.

In her mind it's probably just another stop on the roller coaster of fun. Over the next five(another important detail to remember) days of me being in the hospital is when I think it began to set in.

Here we are on our first afternoon home with Jack, Wednesday. Notice anything similar? No? Ah, yes the dress is the same. Yes, Lily wore the same dress for five days straight while I was in the hospital. Chad would like me to include that she also wore a swimsuit a couple of afternoons.

I remember thinking when I brought home my other babies, how huge my older kids looked to me now. It was like those couple of days of me being in the hospital they had up and grown up on me. It was the same with Lily. She seemed so much older, I could understand everything she was saying, even the hilarious line, "MOM!!! Jacqkswen is kissing your boobie!"

Lily was soooo excited to meet Jackson. She kept repeating his name over and over again. I want to always remember what that sounded like, Jacqkswen. She wanted to hold him so much. She's a wee bit crazy though so I convinced her that laying next to Jack was the funnest thing she could do with her brother.

. . .praying for Jack's safety.

Anew.

2011-10-06T13:27:00.001-07:00

Introducing. . .Jackson Chad Mead. Born 10:54 a.m. on Saturday the 24th of September 2011.

Where do I begin. Jackson has been with us for twelve days. Our lives are forever changed. I've been wanting to share cute little things that have happened but haven't. Because first I need to tell you how amazing Jack is but whatever words I come up with feel inadequate. From the moment he joined us he has given us tender mercies that show us Gods love for us. Against all the odds, this child has come to us; thriving. Seeing Jack quieted all my fears, knowing him as my son, that whatever was or wasn't didn't matter. Jack has come exactly as he should be, our gift that we get to enjoy, encourage and take pride in.

It has been interesting examining my feelings through the stereotypes of what "normal" is. Looking at my son who isn't, and it not mattering. Any sadness or disappointment that creeps in isn't from my feelings for him but rather through my fears for him. How will people treat him, how will his health fare, will he ever know how much I adore him?

All of us come into this world with deficiencies, some more obvious than others. Most of ours are on the inside, weakness that we need to work on, improve so that we can become more complete individuals, better than we began. I'm reminded of the scripture in Ether; "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Jack's differences are obvious, his sweet almond eyes, his right toes that are webbed almost to the top(!), his two little lips that turn downward, and soon he will bear a scar on his chest from his heart surgery. These differences aren't the sum total of who Jack will be. We don't get to know that part yet, but what we do know we absolutely love.

I feel like Jack was given a pep talk before coming. In every situation he has made it the absolute easiest it could possibly be. Finally having him here after months of trying to push away fears, none of which have been realized. So much healing, bonding and loving. Hours of laying next to Jack, nursing him have healed whatever wounds my heart suffered. Replaced now with a deepening love for my child. An appreciation of who he is and gratitude to be his mama.

This time with Jack has been nothing short of joy. In the quiet of the night, I sit and nurse and rock Jack. Alone with my thoughts as I look on at my son. Feeling those oh so familiar pangs of sleep deprivation I will close my eyes. But then, moments later I almost cannot stand it and I open them again, wanting nothing more but to look and stare, searching for those fleeting moments where I lock eyes with my boy.

. . .hello son, I'm so happy to see you.

Blah. Three more days to go.

2011-09-23T09:09:00.001-07:00

Monday at 12:31 I will not be pregnant. Okay, I probably still will be but almost done. My scheduled c-section is at 12:30. I AM READY. EXCLAMATION POINT.

I am ready to not be so huge, so uncomfortable, so complainy. Mostly though I am ready to lay eyes on my son, Jack. He will be named after his father because I cannot think of anybody better for him to model his life after. Chad and I have deliberately not said anything to his brothers or sister about his challenges to come. I want them to know him first and foremost as their brother. Because at the heart of it that is the most important thing about him right now; brother, son, child of God. Even though Owen would be the only one who would probably be able to grasp the meaning, but still.

The past couple of months have marked a progression for me. Upon finding out the news that he has down syndrome, I often would think of him only in conjunction with that condition. I'm not sure if it part of the healing/grieving/acceptance process but now I can honestly say I'm just excited to meet my son. It wasn't ever that I didn't feel that for him, I guess it's just that, that was what I knew so far of him.

When I think of him now it is often a thought of, I wonder what color his eyes will be, will he have hair, will he have hair like Owen (all over his body!), how big will he be? Things like that. One thing I do know of him, is he is super active. Kicking me all day and night, my most active child. He can even sense when there is something on my/his belly. I'll gently lay my hand on my belly and he will kick it until I move it. I've even tried to outlast him, leaving my hand there for thirty minutes before he won and I moved my hand.

Owen and Luke have both been astonished to see him moving around, "whoa, that is weird mom!" "wow, look at him moving!" They both love to see him move and talk about how it's going to be so fun when he is here and running around playing with us. Lily thinks the actual belly button is the baby and that she is having one too. I put the car seat in the car today and she was perplexed, "no, mama, I'm the baby." Let the d-throwning begin.

Ready to hold him, rock him in his chair, mug on him, love him.

It's his day.

2011-08-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

I know that publication of Chad wearing this shirt will inevitably cause me to be again accused of losing it on purpose. Or an even more sinister accusation; throwing it away. But! I am not afraid. I have truth on my side and when we reach the pearly gates of heaven I WILL BE VINDICATED. For the loss of the yellow shirt and for Bob's death. Truth will be relieved as to what happened and I will forgive all those (I am looking at you Chad Burton) who have falsely accused me all these years.

This post is not about my innocence though, which I am! It is about my lovely husband, who is another year older today. Thirty-seven years ago he came into this world. He did some stuff and then when he was twenty-two he met me and his life really began. At least that's how I see it.

Since it is his birthday I thought I would take this opportunity to say how swell he is. He is possibly the best man I know, at least personally (I added the personally part, because I do not want to overstate his general wonderfulness and therefore lose credibility as to the truthfulness of how actually wonderful he is.) Are we clear? Clear.

Sitting her trying to enumerate all the wonderful qualities Chad posses just isn't conveying the sincerity of what a beautiful person he is. I could go through point by point saying Chad is. . .funny, fun, smart, clever, kind, thoughtful, generous, hard-working, self-sacrificing, loving, caring, sensitive, and on and on and on. But, that just isn't enough. It doesn't exactly show how crazy I am about him and how great I think he is. How lucky I know I am.

Like most things that are good, Chad is complicated and layered with unique qualities. When taken in there entirety together they demonstrate his depth of character.

I love you more today baby than I could have ever imagined. Often I sit in admiration of your strength, courage and desire to do good. You inspire me to be better, to do better. I cannot envision a better companion to go through this life with. Weeks ago you told me that I was your sun, well, baby YOU ARE MINE.

It was 116 degrees on Saturday.

2011-08-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

These photos do not really have anything do with the temperature on Saturday. I feel it is important though, to give the temperature's we have been experiencing lately proper position in this post. IT HAS BEEN HOT, the kind of hot where you feel like you are in a sauna with a fan blowing the heat from the coals at your face, neck, legs, ankles, and the folds of skin between your toes. That kind of hot.

Owen had a football game Saturday. I do not have a single photo of the event. Why? Because I was trying to survive. Literally. He had to be there at six am for his eight am game. Which lasted three bloody hours. At six am it was 102 degrees. By the time we left it was 116. I am not kidding. If I could give a single word for that experience it would be. . .alarming, bloodcurdling, dire, direful, fearful, fearsome, forbidding, formidable, frightening, gut-wrenching, hair-raising, heart-stopping, intimidating, redoubtable, scary, terrifying; abhorrent, deplorable, disagreeable, disgusting, distasteful, loathsome, nauseating, noisome, obnoxious, obscene, offensive, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, sickening; abominable, evil, foul, heinous, noxious, odious, unspeakable, vile; grotesque, ugly, unsightly.

One word just wasn't enough. I have run out of ways to complain about how hot and uncomfortable I am. I am even sick of hearing my own complaints. I had a headache that lasted until I woke up Sunday morning. To put it in Chad's words,

"This will be a trial."

School's in session

2011-08-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

Lily is going to Emecec. It isn't a good school. And that is a generous statement. But! There is a bus! Hooray for the bus! Without the bus, I fear, life would be colorless. That may seem like an overstatement but if you knew how Lily felt about the bus, then you would know how appropriate that statement was. She goes three days a week for two and half hours. About half of that time is spent sitting against a chain link fence waiting for the teachers to get themselves all organized. Here is where I repeat to myself,

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."

The boys are in Third and First grade at Las Sendas. They are both liking it and having fun with friends. Hopefully they will learn something this year, safe to say I am a bit concerned after helping Owen practice for his first spelling test. S A T, sat was the first word on his test. We all had a good laugh about it and Luke even passed Owen's entire third grade test.

But! They come home happy everyday and seem to be enjoying it. Owen is playing football (which to say he's enjoying it would be a rather large stretch) and going to an after school chess class. Luke is going to play soccer this fall and hasn't even gotten any notes home! A real feat for him, he tends to be a little bit of a chatter box, and I, HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE GETS THAT FROM.

I can still remember my third grade teacher, Mrs. Wendland telling me that I would never amount to anything because I couldn't keep quiet. Wow, she must have just thoroughly enjoyed having me!

And me? What will I do all day? That remains to be seen, but four weeks from today I'm sure I will have somebody to fill my time.

This sweater.

2011-08-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

Lily was about fifteen months old when she first wore this sweater. It had a little vest that went with it. I loved it. I would put her in it and stare at her. Revel in her delightful babyness. Then something terrible happened. . .

She grew up. I've held onto this sweater because I just cannot imagine a world where I don't get to ever see it again. I knew it was happening, the growing up part that is, but until you take a moment and look back, it just doesn't seem to be happening.

Even now I am so grateful that Heavenly Father saw fit to bless us with Lily. She is incredibly loud and wild, but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think, thank goodness for her. My daughter, my only daughter. Often Chad and I will catch ourselves looking at her, admiring something funny she is doing or just her general beauty. Yes, we're both impartial.

Her boundless energy infuses happiness into our home. Chad walks in the door each night and wherever she is she will let out a shriek.

"Daddy daddy! Piggy back ride piggy back ride piggy back ride!"

Chad will take off with her on his back racing around the house. Her feet are cradled in his hands and he lifts them up and down for added enjoyment of the piggy back ride. All this while she shrieks and squeals from the general thrill of the piggy back ride.

I hope the memory of these simple, enjoyable days stay as fresh in my mind as they are today.

I just hoped for the best

2011-08-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

I swear, this boy just sometime melts my heart. Yesterday he had a doctors appointment that he wasn't looking forward to. Last time he went he had to do a bunch of labs and fainted after the blood draw. He was very worried that he would have to do it again and I wasn't sure exactly what we were going to have to do. So, I told him to try not to worry about it and we'll just have to see what it is.

Thankfully, it wasn't a big deal at all. On the way out of the office, Owen (face beaming) tells me,

"I just hoped for the best and the best is what happened!"

Owen, our first born boy, who is growing up entirely too fast (but not nearly fast enough in his estimation) is just such a good boy. He has faith and hope in situations where most children his age would fall apart. If I had to use one word to describe him it would probably be cheery. His cheery disposition is just such a pleasure to be around. My pride in him is compounded by the fact that he goes through hard things, experiences them and just carries on.

Rockaway beach; Part 4 of 4

2011-08-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

Some brotherly affection.

Dancin

Feelin it

Oh yeah.

Sunday brought more adventures to our vacay. We headed up the coast a couple of miles to Canon Beach. We explored the shops, Owen spent some of his hard earned money on a shark necklace and Luke bought a poisonous stuffed snake. I ate myself sick with some amazing caramels, but it was worth it, wow, they were good!

We went exploring around Indian Beach, the boys went in the water some more and Luke even managed to make "friends" with the locals. Sure, it first involved him throwing some rocks at them, but in the end they were buddies. Luke and a group of twenty something guys, good ole friends. We thoroughly enjoyed our time at the coast and had fun seeing beloved cousins and aunt.

Rockaway beach; Part 3 of 4.

2011-08-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

Singing the "Barbie song". . .thanks Linz!

Seeing how Grandma won the dance competition at school.

This is how we roast smores.

We roasted smores on the beach on Saturday night and Sunday night. On Saturday it was just me and my kids; grandma, VV, Lindsay and Maya went up to Canon beach and shopping.

Luke was the fire-master! He and I collected up all the firewood and he was my right hand man for getting it going. He felt about ten feet tall, being in charge and all. It was nice, sitting around a cozy fire, right on the beach with my children. We chatted and ate and enjoyed each others company.

On Sunday night everybody participated and it was really fun. Somehow we started singing random songs and my cousin Lindsay whipped out the Barbie song and forever impressed Lily. Lindsay indulged a little girl and sang it over and over again, including of course the voice inflections. Lily giggled, tried to sing along and sat in awe of the whole thing. This whole thing led into us singing other slightly inappropriate for children songs. We got to witness first hand grandma's dance moves too. Something that everyone should in their lifetime get to experience. All I'll say is it seems that her students have been teaching her some of the latest moves.

BTW, we now own the Barbie song and most of the members of our family have all the lyrics memorized.

Is she a little bit ripped, my mother would say riffed?

2011-08-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

Probably asking politely for a fruit snack.

Baby girl also likes some color on those nails. Notice how she has one black toenail and the other has fallen off. Delicate, isn't she. On an unrelated side note, she started doing something that we all thought was hilarious. And now, as she has taken to doing it all the time, while still funny, it is starting to wear off. You know that sound you make with your voice when you're taunting someone? That ha ha ha ha sound? Baby girl makes this sound for almost any occasion.

"Time to get into the car kids," I say.

"Ha ha ha ha!" replies Lily.

"Dinner is ready, wash your hands," calls dad.

"Ha ha ha ha!" she cries.

"Yes, you're hilarious Lily," we all think.

Girl still likes her shoes.

Baby girl spends 99% of the time she is awake running, jumping, climbing, throwing, catching, or twirling herself about. Is it any wonder she looks like she lifts weights? Lily is quite coordinated, having a natural ability it seems to do just about anything physical. Chad and I just keep throwing balls at her, thinking that as long as she is destined to be quite tall, she might as well put it to use.

This seems to suit her just fine as she loves anything physical. Lily is complex though; she does much of her activities while in a princess costume or dress. She loves my makeup and has taken to painting her fingers and toes on every opportunity. I guess a passing joke that Chad made years ago is coming true. He was teasing (oh how he loves teasing) a female colleague of his for wanting to play on the firms basketball team and how women and men shouldn't play physical sports together (and he was probably only the tiniest bit teasing too as he doesn't like coed sports). She asked him what he would do if his daughter(only a couple of months old at the time) wanted to play in motor-cross sports.

To which he cleverly replied, "I wouldn't let her do that for fear that her dress would fly up in her face blocking her vision."

Words, are funny that way they do come back to you.

Rockaway beach; Part 2 of 4.

2011-08-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

Me

In the water!

THAT'S COLD!

The next day we woke up to a beautiful foggy morning. Luke, Lily and I went down to the beach and played fetch with our neighbors dogs. Let me tell you what, sixty five degrees in the morning is the perfect temperature. A couple of hours later the fog burned off and it was a glorious, sunny day. Rare for these parts.

We hung out on the beach and watched the children play. It was picturesque, the sun shining down, a perfectly comfortable temperature and contented children playing with each other. Any mother's dream. They even got in the ocean, all of them were a wee bit surprised being that the last ocean we were in was off the coast of Maui. Suffice to say, a couple of tears were shed. But! Being the resilient people we are we pressed on, there is fun to be had, people!

Lily's first words when she'd wake up each day were, "I wanna go to the beach!"

A saying that she continued weeks after we left the beach. It reached it's fever pitch though on the six hour car trip home. Imagine, her, repeating this line over and over again off and on for a couple of hours.

"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"
"I wanna go to the beach!"

. . .get the picture?

Rockaway beach; part 1 of 4

2011-08-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Of course there was muscle flexing

Part of our adventure to Washington included a trip to the Oregon coast. We drove out to Portland and met up with my Aunt Vicky, my Cousin Lindsay and her sweet baby Maya. We spent the afternoon shopping in Portland and checking out all the wierdos (lots of em in downtown Portland!). We got on the road and drove the hour and a half to the coast through some very beautiful land. All of which was lost on the children.

We arrived, got settled in and then promptly ran out the back door to the beach. The house we stayed in was awesome! Right on the beach, so easy with the kids and quite nice to boot. The house was stocked with kites so we put them to good use that first day. The kids loved it, the wind was up so it was quite easy to get one airborne. Even Lily could do it. Luke got right to digging and even dug up some combination of a turtle and a crab. It stayed the night in his bucket outside our back door. The poor little guy was quite relieved the next morning when we set him free.

Slip N Slide action at grandmas!

2011-08-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

With cheeks like these. . .

We didn't only work at grandmas though! On one particularly lovely evening after dinner we sat, put our feet up and watched the children frolic. They ran, raced and did tricks on the slip-n-slide. It was one of those evenings were time seems to slow as a way to let your enjoyment of the moment last longer. We topped the night off with roasting some smores in mom's chimniea.

The pond. A small glimpse into my childhood (without the financial payout).

2011-08-14T10:19:00.000-07:00

Oh the memories. Every time I go home I cannot believe how much everything has grown. I still have VIVID memories of planting that lawn. My brothers and I all manned with rakes and my dad riding around on our three wheeler cracking the proverbial whip on us. That along with the building of the the home we lived in. Be careful what ideas and books you let John Peterson get wind of. He read some book about building your own home. . .and so we did. Talk about a man with a plan.

That same man also has a passion for fire, one that has yet to be tamed. A few weeks ago he was burning some dead bushes in my parents lower pond when the fire, well, it got a wee bit out of control. The fire department came, an ER visit ensued, and letters were sent to clean out the entire lower pond or else! Enter. . .a perfectly (and previously planned) vacation to Washington to visit grandma. Owen and Luke were enlisted in the cause and I by default as now I had to be there to crack the literal whip on my own children (kidding, but sometimes, I admit I do fantasize).

By the time it was over, we had made five (I think, the memory is already fading as a cooping mechanism) trips to the dump. We were quite a sight too. One trip to the dump my mother and I were particularly disgusted with some able bodied men. They're was five of them right next to us, me-great with child, my lovely mother-very able but still sixty-one years old, and my boys. We were unloading a huge load of obviously burned quite large debris but did they offer to help us? No, not even on the gigantic stumps that once had belonged to trees well over thirty feet high. For shame.

We worked hard and got-er done though. Owen worked so hard, I can't remember hearing a single complaint from that boy. Luke, bless him worked hard too; not as hard as older brother but definitely hard for his age. Lily did nothing. Except get in the way on multiple occasions. The boys were so excited to be working for money that they could hardly sleep at night. It's the most money that either of them have earned and it is still burning a hole in their pockets.

BTW, I'm still pregnant.

2011-08-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

GET IN MY BELLY! Oh, your already there! Name is getting narrowed down, it's Jack or Wyatt. Baby boy is busy though. I would almost describe him as a tickler. When he is moving around it is almost always in a couple of different spots that I feel him in. He kicks me all day long and even helped me to eat two whole cantaloupes in a two day period last week.

Check out Lily, already stealing my thunder. A bit of useless information for you readers; this is Indian Beach, the same beach the teen/30-something heartthrob film Twilight was filmed at.

Luke at the camera. This is his view of me. I'm not sure what to think of that.

Chad took this last night unbeknownst to me, I found it on I-photo and was a little bit horrified. But, trying to preserve the sweet sweet memories of being elephant sized. FYI, I look super sad in the photo but I'm not. I was deep in thought over the dogs new obsession with chewing on my leather ottoman. Bad dog!

Can I get a Yee-haw!

2011-08-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

This summer my sweet nieces came out for a visit. We spent the fourth of July at Rawhide. It was hot. 114 degrees to be exact. But no matter, we managed to wrangle us a good ole time. Owen rode a bull, we imprisoned the children, rode donkeys, ate turkey legs, petted sweaty farm animals, panned for gold, climbed rock walls, saw rope tricks, was booed by 325 people for attempting to save eight seats, ignored the booing of 325 people and enjoyed the show! Then saw a firework show to top the evening off.

Oh, was also chewed out by a total stranger for my ill-behaved children. Let me just state this; my children were in the wrong. Once their behavior was brought to my attention I immediately apologized and tried to remedy the situation. This was not satisfactory to this oh so pleasant woman. She was un-detoured and just wanted to let me have it. Okay, lady. We get it. You are a miserable person who likes others to feel as miserable as you are.

. . .mission failure. I will not let grumpy, hateful people such as yourself ruin my evening. Sorry, you're going to have to go it alone.

P.S. My super-smart husband put a bunch of water bottles on ice in the car to greet us on our arrival. Bless that man!

Summer wardrobe

2011-07-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

This is the more dressed up version. Usually Luke is just in his swimsuit bottoms. This is though, an accurate portrayal of Lily's wardrobe. Luke even sleeps most nights in his swimsuit. Owen's choice of clothing are his comfy sweat pants and tee-shirt. I didn't take a photo of my summer wardrobe, it is so fancy and beautiful that it would just make you feel bad about yourself. Just, trust me.

Jumping cactus. Oh, Arizona.

2011-07-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

Here in the lovely Arizona we have a blessed plant called Jumping Cactus. If ever there was a species of plants to eradicate. Luke, somehow, bless him, manages to find it no matter how little there is available. I have pulled this stupid plant out of his; arm, both legs, every single toe and feet. The funny thing is in addition to having to pull it out and thereby sticking myself in the process, HE FIGHTS ME EVERY TIME! I talk to him beforehand and try to reason with him that leaving it in just is not an option.

Never works. So, I get stuck every single time. BTW, Jumping Cactus for those of you lucky enough to not know is like a thistle but with sharp pointy needles about an inch long on all sides. So there is no easy way to get it out. Fun stuff.

But we do love us some Arizona weather, not the 110 plus stuff but 100 degrees is just about perfection.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

2011-07-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

Do we have a male super-model in our home? I seriously cracked up when I uploaded my pictures to discover Mr. Blue Steel. Do I need to clarify and say which one? No. . . If you cannot tell then you don't deserve this laugh. This was at our swim meet last week. Owen's good buddy John Michael (remember the one Luke beat up a couple of years ago? Again, never mess with Luke Mead.) came out for a visit. He is such a good boy and they all played so well together.

I'm not quite sure what is happening here, but it seems Luke is trying to do an Abercrombie pose. The kind where the men (boys) rest their hands on their underwear and casually show a more provocative pose. Luke's version, well, if this is his desired profession, he'll have more time to perfect it.

On a side note something that is funny and I get asked about a lot as far as the boys' bodies go is if they work out. I get asked it all the time and I just laugh. Their surgery scar is in just the right spot for a six pack line. And Luke, he has Chad's body, big, broad shoulders. But no, both their toned little bodies are products of constant movement. I am one of those cruel/horrible mothers that doesn't allow them to play video games to their hearts content.

It is so sad for them, for every hour that they want to play DS/Wii/TV they have to read for one hour. It's even worse during the school year, none of them during the week. Occasionally I'll pity them and let em watch a thirty minute show here or there. But I'm of the school of thought that children should play outside more than they do anything else. Makes for A LOT more noise and mess but it also feels so good to see them running around together, happy.

Some days we just get it right.

2011-06-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

About a week ago Owen had two friends over to hang. I read about an outside game where you fill a garbage bag with water and then hit it repeatedly until it explodes. Perfect! Right up just about every kid's alley. So we swam in our underwear no less and filled up about fifty garbage bags. Lily even got in on the action. Owen managed to hold onto the title of three hits to have a bag explode, you had to know it would turn into a competition right. It's not fun, unless there is a winner. At least, if you're a little boy that is.

It doesn't happen all the time but on days like this I feel better about my mothering. That I'm not totally screwing it all up. That they are happy and have a good life.

Bag is about to explode on baby brother.

Trying to break Garron's record.

The anticipation.

The record was broken!

Not to be outdone.

Swim team and the Mead children kicking butts.

2011-06-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

Would you anticipate anything less? It varies week to week with some weeks having much more butt kicking involved than others. Every time I use the word butt, just know I am saying it with Spongebob's voice. So that makes it okay and ladylike still.

Owen and Luke are on swimteam this year. It's Owen's third year and Luke's first year of competition. They do all four strokes; freestyle, butterfly, breaststroke and backstroke.

Owen's favorite stroke is probably butterfly. Of the three meets we've had he's come in first place twice in this event. It's fun to cheer him on. He is so competitive and wants to win. Of the four events he'll usually get one or two first place ribbons and the other's in second or third place.

Chad and I are proud of both boys but aren't those people yet. You know the ones who run along the side of the pool screaming, yes, screaming for their kid to "COME ON!! PUSH IT!! COME ON!" No, we're on the bleachers thinking what an idiot that guy is.

Belly-flop!

Here Luke is in his very first race doing the backstroke. Nevermind that halfway he flipped over and did three freestyle strokes.

Luke got second place in freestyle. This particular meet he got first place in breaststroke. Chad and I are just grateful that they do not disqualify the younger ones for stroke violations. Poor Luke isn't exactly doing the cordinating arms and legs that go with each stroke. He mostly swims underwater. For each 25 yard race he probably does about 2.5 correct strokes.

Anything to win, anything to win.

Lily cheers the boys on from the sideline with her crazy hair.

An evening of ball and sword fighting.

2011-06-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Daddy's on the run!

Often in the evening once the sun goes down we retire to the backyard for some football throwing. Lily gravitates to a basketball and insists upon having it thrown to her two times for every one time the boys get a ball thrown to them. Owen goes for the football, always. And Luke, he varies in his activities. One this particular evening he and Chad engaged in a battle of swords. At one point Chad's legs were both chopped off and then Luke's head was taken. Miraculously they both still continued the fight.

Even they know, somehow, that they are above this.

2011-06-29T10:27:00.000-07:00

My mother came to visit over Memorial Day weekend this year. We thought it would be fun on Monday to go to the lake. So did a lot of other people. The kind, well the kind that can afford a free activity. . .get my drift. Yes, I am judgmental and a terrible person. But I just can't help it. I kept my feelings to myself about the whole thing.

Until, I looked over and saw Luke. Look at how he is examining the crowd from his peripheral vision. Disgusted. Then I knew I had passed on my personal feelings without verbalizing them. They are mine and Chad's children. They don't know why but, they know that this is not for them. HA! At this point I busted out laughing because all three of my children were out of the water, on our blanket surveying the crowd, silently judging.

Lily took it one step further and didn't even put a pinky toe in the water. She just marched up and down the shore with her cheeks hanging out.

Owen was more discreet about his disgust. Always the pleaser personality. Which is just so him. He was probably dealing with an internal conflict of feeling bad about his bad feelings. Would never want to be rude or hurt someone's feelings, he is a lot like my brother Josh. But, still, he wasn't getting off that blanket.

My mom and I cracked up all the way home about this whole lake experience. I'm very much one of those let's pull the ripcord and go people. I'm not here for my health, so if you're not having fun then let's go! So we did. We spent a grand total of fifteen minutes at the lake. Probably about fourteen minutes too long.

Yes, I am a snob. And so are my children, apparently.

These two get on just fine.

2011-06-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

Luke and Lily have a special relationship. They just get each other. Often I will find myself in a quiet home and I will go and look for the disaster. Instead I find these two. Playing dress up, kitchen, legos, wrestling around with Duke, playing with cars or trains. Luke has a way of entertaining Lily and keeping her attention. He'll come up with games and competitions for them to do. He is quite creative of a player.

One of the sweetest things Luke does on a regular basis is encourage Lily. I'll be away from them a bit and I'll hear him advising her on how she can do something.

"Try to put your foot here,"

"If you use this hand then it will work, you can do it Lil'"

It is lovely. It is something that makes my mothers heart burst. Love that boy.

I'd love to hear the soundtrack that goes through Lily's head. I'm sure one of the songs, along with the very popular I'm a Gummy Bear, would be Anything you can do I can do better. She is a get out there and try it girl, and I love that.

On a side note. Isn't this the way the Wicked Witch of the East was found by Dorthy? Not to imply anything. . . Lily was sent to her room the other day and when I came to release her from the horribleness of time-out, this is what I discovered. Ouch. Of course I took a photo first though. Memories, people, oh the memories.

Our pool, is a lovely, lovely thing. Especially since we live on the surface of the sun.

2011-06-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, summertime is definitely here.

A summer evening, before it was 110 degrees, which it was today, just for the record.

2011-06-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

DUKE! Isn't he handsome?

Lily and my geraniums.

Check out Luke and his death stare.

A delight for the eyes.

Evidence of her naughtiness.

2011-06-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Sprinkles cupcakes, what to do what to do. I know, lets smear them over here!

The attempt at clean-up.

Who can resist her?

Out the doggie door for some more destruction.

Owie is nine.

2011-06-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Breakfast of choice; waffles, eggs and sausage. Crown details this year, lots and lots of legos.

Dinner of choice; Lasagna (he just barely stopped calling it basagna), cheese bread, salad and chocolate cake, of course.

It just wouldn't be a party without a balloon launching, now would it.

She was not about to let go so easily. She held onto it for about twenty extra minutes. Then when it was only she and daddy outside she let it go. For gifts this year Owen got a Ripstick (a funky skateboard) and lots and lots of legos. He is very into them lately. Around ten o'clock at night we caught him still up in his room putting them together with the help of a flashlight.

Owen is such a good son, a great first child and example to his younger brother and sister. He's thoughtful and kind, determined and driven, Chad and I couldn't be prouder of him and just love him so much.

Scoripions are horrible, abominable. creatures.

2011-06-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

They are a new part of our lives since moving to the desert. One that I could very happily do without. On day two of living in Arizona I was stung on my arm while breaking down boxes in the garage. Owen was stung on day thirty-four while playing outside. Prior to Mr. Mead scorching the earth with pesticide, literally, we were seeing about two per week. INSIDE our home. Those little bastar****'s! This is my home.

The final insult came when they stung Lily one night while she was sleeping in her bed. Take a moment and imagine that! Peacefully sleeping while poisonous insects crawl up from the floor, get under your sheet and BAM, begin an all out assault on you. Now that you are thoroughly creeped out I am satisfied that you can sympathize more fully.

Around three in the morning Lily came in saying her foot hurt. The previous day she had stubbed her toe badly and I was a teensy bit worried that her toe was broken. But being the excellent parent I am I watched her walk, felt it and decided it probably wasn't broken. So when she came in I gave her some Motrin and put her back into bed. She came back into our room about thirty minutes later complaining more and more. I went and laid down by her in to try and settle her down.

At this point I thought she'd kind of woken herself up and was simply having a hard time putting herself back to sleep. I laid there with her as she moved and flipped over and over and over again. That should have been my first clue something was amiss. After about fifteen minutes of her constant movement I thought maybe a bath would soothe her. By this point I was getting concerned that something was wrong and I woke Chad up to see what he thought.

He came into the bathroom and we watched her in the bathtub. She was in constant motion, it was like she couldn't stop moving. We both thought it odd and thought if this keeps up once it's a decent hour maybe we should call the doctor. We tried to lay her down again. Fifteen minutes later she was in our bedroom. I laid her down to try to sleep with us. She was getting more and more agitated. Chad took her out to turn on her favorite cartoon. I tried to fall back to sleep.

A few minutes later Chad came in and suggested I take her into the emergency room. She couldn't sit still for Tom and Jerry! Something was definitely off and now we both recognized it. Chad put her in the car and I got dressed. She was hysterical the entire car trip, trying to move and flip over while strapped in, arching her back. We got to the hospital and thankfully we were the only ones there. We got right into a room and what followed could only be described as a one hour long wrestling match.

She was up on the bed, flipping over and over and over, with no regard for the consequence of falling onto the floor. I was holding her while she was turning and turning all over the place. Then, it progressed and she started having seizures. Okay, officially worried now! This went on for about another hour until a nurse thought that this might be an allergic reaction to a scorpion sting.

"Do you live in a place where you have seen scorpion's?"

"Yes, we've seen about two per week for the past month and a half."

Thankfully the hospital we went to was involved in a research study for a scorpion anti-venom. Otherwise, we'd have to wait for it to leave her system, which can take DAYS. It took five people to get an IV line in her. At this point the only way to describe her is a possessed person having seizures. It was crazy crazy stuff, just trust me on that. Once the IV was placed they moved her over to the neurological observation rooms and began her first of five doses. The antiscorp drug is miracle stuff I tell you! Chad and I are still trying to wrap our brains around the fact that it's manufactured in Mexico.

Within ten minutes we began to see her calming and slowing down. After three doses she fell asleep, never mind that she was surrounded by three doctors a gaggle of nurses. We all stood around her bed watching her, her little arms and legs were still twitching. They gave her two more doses, the maximum dose she could receive. And then, she was back. Back, back to herself, we were so relieved. She opened her eyes and saw Chad sitting next to her bed.

"Hi daddy! Whatcha doin here dadddy? I'm thirsty, wader pwease daddy!"

The moment that you realize everything is going to be okay after a period of uncertainty is an excellent space. They watched her for a bit more and then we went home.

. . .where I proceeded to have what can only be described as a nervous breakdown.

When you are in a crisis, there simply isn't time to address how you're feeling about what is happening. You just deal. Keep moving and suppressing all those emotions that would distract you from your goal of taking care of business. But the aftermath? That is the time for all that to come out. And then, then Lily and I laid down together and fell asleep.