Every time I look at Jack I think how much I love my husband.
That sentence deserves it's own paragraph. Shortly after having Lily I knew there was another baby meant for us. I talked with Chad and told him how I felt. To say he didn't feel the same would be an understatement. He thought with Lily our family was complete, finished, as in no more babies. I struggled with this knowledge. I didn't want to talk my husband into another child, I knew that would be a recipe for disaster. Time marched by. Year after year passed and my feelings only grew stronger. Every birthday wish, balloon launching wish, quiet prayer offered included my desire for this child.
From time to time Chad and I would talk about it. He knew of my wishes and hopes for our family. But he still didn't feel the same. So I continued to pray and wish for our child and for my husband's heart to be softened. Almost a year ago Chad came to me and told me that if I still felt as strongly that we should have another child. I couldn't believe it. I was elated. I asked him what had changed his mind. He told me that knowing of my desire for another child he decided to pray about it. To search out what was holding him back. He told me that after much prayer he realized that it only boiled down to selfishness. That he was comfortable and didn't want to "shake up" his life. But once he realized that was the only thing holding him back he also knew that was not a good enough reason.
So now you see why every time I look on at my beautiful son why my love for my husband increases. Tripleifys, quadtriplifys, a gaggle. I will forever be grateful for my husband who loved me so much and cared for me so well that he was willing to look at himself. To stretch his comfort level and grow. I often look at Chad in awe at the man he is. He was definitely a good man when I married him, but he is just so. much. better. now.
With my family all around me, I am a blessed woman. And the best part, I know it.
2 comments:
damn, jamie. one of these days i'll read one of your posts and not cry. but that day wasn't today. this baby of ours was letting me know he/she was there from the first weeks after our Ryan was born. the last thing i wanted was to ever be pregnant again. but i knew that someone was missing. danny was similarly comfortable with three so it was a stretch of that comfort zone to have #4, but seeing your little jack and reading of your love for him makes me more excited than ever to meet this little one that will come and complete our family.
love these pics, and love your writing.
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