Jack's fake cry

 Is possibly my current favorite thing (taking into account that baked goods don't count). Obviously.

This face goes along with the corresponding fake cry which is sort of a "a heahgh heaghe heagh" noise. The fake cry is used for a basically one situation: boredom. It's a "HEY! pay attention to me" noise that works 99.9% of the time. Primarily due to this accompanying face.

Who could resist?

People are crazy, and good all at the same time.

Months ago Jack was hospitalized for an incision infection -- curse you stupid surgery repair and repeated infections! We are all better now, but we've learned to leave WELL ENOUGH ALONE. So, Jack was sitting in his crib in the hospital playing with his Jack-in-the-box. He had just learned to wind it to make it jump. He was doing his thing while I was speaking to his nurse. He looked over at us and asked for some milk and to read a book using his adorable baby sign language.

His well-intentioned nurse was absolutely dazzled with Jackie and turned to me and said--these are her words exactly--"he is the smartest little retard I have ever seen." She's from India, so there was a language barrier.

I had so many options, I could:

 1. Cry like a baby;

 2. Give her the stink eye;

 3. Raise my fists to the sky in agony; or

4. Smile and laugh a little at the insanity of it all? Yes, yes he is.

For the most part, people are good and aren't trying to be INCREDIBLY insulting. Granted, there are jerks out there and I will read the RIOT Act to any one who messes with my babies! But, usually, people are kind and considerate.  Occasionally, some are misguided but overall most are good. Everyone screws up on big and small things. But I try to look at their intentions. A fool takes offense when none is intended. Even if people are misguided, generally they are trying to be good and kind. If so, cut 'em some slack. Maybe smile and nod or kindly educate them, but then, let it go. Lighten up. After all the only thing we can control is how we allow things to affect us.

Rituals.

In our hallway between Lily's and Jack's rooms there is a large mirror.

I do not remember exactly how this got started but going eight months strong now; I dare say we have a ritual, Jackie Pad and I. Jackie takes either one or two naps a day for anywhere from one to three hours and when he wakes up he takes a minute to come out of it.

I go in his room pick him up, he takes his cue to lock his hands around my neck and squish in for some tight cheek to cheek time. This is all happening as I'm walking out of his room to the mirror. We look in the mirror together for a few moments like this, our cheeks tightly pressed together. Jack is looking at himself and I'm looking at his as well. He determines when we come out of the hold, once he detaches his cheek, we walk away and get on with our day.

Moments over. But, such a good moment it was!

Open the door to a whole new world.

And walk right through it.
April 22nd 2013, Jack is two days away from being nineteen months old.

And he can walk.





He's been cruising around furniture since Christmas, walking behind toys since Valentines day, and taking a few independent steps here and there; but today, at 10:25 he walked across an entire room. We were at PT and he was showing off his mad skills to Rebecca. Holding a had a ball above his head and she just kept stepping backwards for him to take one more step to get it. One step, two step...a fifth, I am watching intently now, he's never taken THIS many steps at once. I don't know who is more excited at this point, giggles are bubbling out of him with each motion. He reaches the wall and is rewarded with the ball he has been chasing. Seconds have passed and just as he goes to sit down to play with his new ball I swoop in, showing off that I too can cross that room pretty damn fast.

I pick him up, squeeze that boy within an inch of his life and sit him back down to continue his work. As I walk back to my chair in the corner of the room I feel ten feet tall. I am so proud of this boy. At every step along the way these past nineteen months he has blown my expectations out of the water. He can do hard things. He is pushing himself. He will achieve.

. . .and I will be there, watching and encouraging him as a most interested spectator in his one wild life.

A sign.

Want some milk? Want Jack to ask for it for you? That is like, totally something he would do for you.

We've been working with Jackie on his signs since last spring and it is like seriously the freaking cutest thing on the planet (and yes, I'm taking puppies and newborn stretches into account). Jack's been signing milk for along time now; sometime around his first birthday that he started really getting it down. His other list of sign skills include the following: bye-bye, more, all done, ball, star, chicken, and eat.

Another trick that is also cuter than puppies is pointer. You know the song, 'Where is pointer where is pointer here I am here I am'

Well, Jack loves this silly song and I'm a sucker for my boy so I've been singing it to him. When I sing it to him now though, he follows along and does the actions! But he's super clever, if I ask him where is pointer in the tone of the song he brings out his pointer finger and bends it like the song but if I just nonchalantly say 'where is pointer' then he'll bring his chubby index finger forward and show you pointer!! Jack has transitioned this skill into watching the 'You've got cookie so share it maybe' song over and over again. Once the song ends he takes pointer, points it at the computer screen and gives an encouraging grunt.

Want to know where Jack's nose is? Just ask him, he'll tots show you that one too.

More fun at PCH!

Last week Jackie went in for two small surgeries (one to a very private area and the other for his heart surgery incision--it was herniated)

 He was all smiles before I told him what we were going to do there.

While I was waiting for them to take Jackie back I received this text from daddy who was getting Lily pad off to a friends house before heading over. Yes, those are the ballet slippers that she was wearing last year when she got lost (the time Owen and his friend took her hiking then told her to go home. . .).

 

Poor Jackie tried to jump once I told him what was about to transpire.

No matter how many times I've been through the recovery process with three outta four of my children (Owie- five times, Luke-three times, and now Jackie-two times) IT NEVER GETS EASIER!! I absolutely hate seeing them like this; sleepy, lifeless and then the anesthesia grumpies--fughettdiaboutet.

Even though, this is pretty cute/heartbreaking--as I was walking to the recovery room talking with the anesthesiologist about the procedure (funny story here at the end), we approached Jack's bedside (we were speaking somewhat quietly but not a whisper), the anesthesiologist was saying that Jack would be waking up sometime in the next 30 to 45 minutes and that it's best to just let him rest and sleep a wee bit so he's not so grumpy. I said okay, sounds good thank you, etc. . . and Jack's eyes shot open super big at the sound of my voice and look quickly around the room for me, I gave him a smile then he immediately drifted off back to sleep. The doctor and nurses giggled saying, "he heard your voice and wanted to see his mama."

This is the part that makes me sad--after hearing my voice and drifting back off he kept opening his eyes to make sure I was still there. He'd look over at me and upon seeing me close his eyes and drift back off to sleep, but every few minutes he'd need that reassurance and look for me again. Broke my heart that he was worrying "where's my mama?" So I pressed my cheek right up against his so that he'd have the constant feeling of ---my mama's right next to me---

With this, he slept a solid forty more minutes and didn't open his eyes once. I--looked ridiculous but this is my baby people! What won't I do for him!!

We got home after Jack's knife fight with two surgeons and he was wiped. Grumpy, sore, tired and hungry; we watched the wiggles on the couch, ate a bagel and took a nice long nap.

Curious about the funny convo with the anesthesiologist? Wait no more. . .

"So, um, this was kind of a strange procedure."

"Really?, What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm guessing that you or your husband must be well connected or something."

"Huh"  <---- eh="" eloquent="" p="">
"It's just not every day that a heart surgeon scrubs in and assists with a circumcision in a level one operating room. This sort of procedure usually is an outpatient sorta thing."

***what follows is seriously my response and I seriously love myself a little bit more for it***

"We take our penises very seriously in our family."

. . .he almost choked he was laughing so hard.

These hands.

Boo.

Ridiculously cute, right?! The first day Jack really started crawling he worked his way under his crib. It was quite funny, Owen was put in charge of finding him and could hear him (he was playing with his baby monitor) but couldn't see him.

Owen: "MOM!! I can hear Jack in the kitchen (where the receiver for the baby monitor is) but he isn't anywhere!!! I checked the whole house and I can't find him!!!"

He was quite stressed but once he figured it out--he about died of laughter.

Jackie's going to keep us on our toes. Yay!

Torrey Pines and lacation, we've see a lot of both.

Aside from risking the children's lives we also explored Torrey Pines. Once we made it up to the upper parking area things got really beautiful (but!, now we know that there is nothing to miss between the lower and upper parking areas. Yay!).  We walked along the trails which leads to these beautiful cliffs that overlook the pacific. Beautiful. We enjoyed the beauty and I even managed yet another public breast feeding adventure! Just as one unsuspecting hiker was wandering down to sit next to me on the bench it began. . .

About fifteen feet from me he saw the tale tell sign of baby's feet dangling underneath a baby blanket, (unsuspecting hiker thinks to himself, "self, that's weird to have no body with those feet"), walks a few feet closer to me and sees that half my body is covered by a baby blanket, (unsuspecting hiker thinks to himself, "self, that's weird that woman is wearing a blanket"), walks one more step as he slowly puts together what is really happening underneath that blanket (unsuspecting hiker thinks to himself,  "self, ABORT ABORT ABORT"), hiker awkwardly stops, pretends that halfway to the bench was, in fact, his destination. Takes a moment there to sell us on his change in plans, then hurries back up the path, finally freed from the presence of lactation.

**in unsuspecting hikers defense; I appreciate his desire to give me privacy in what is a somewhat uncomfortable situation.

It's just funny to see innocents reactions to these moments and in my defense; I try to have them only in cases of extreme emergency. I'm not tryin to be showin me boobies to no one. :) Good day.

Put your hands up in the air.

Like you just don't care.

Have I ever mentioned that Jack is undefeated in our house for staring competitions? Well, he is. Months and months ago, maybe in February Luke challenge him and was woefully defeated. Not one to take a beating easily, Luke immediately re-challenged him and lost 39 seconds later. Also not one to learn from past mistake (love you Luke!) he re-challenged his re-challenge. Another lose.

Owen thought he would quickly put an end to Jacks reign (I mean--we can't have anyone else in the family winning things, after all) and lost faster than Luke. I recorded one such match and laugh every time I watched it. During the match, Luke would shout out (while still holding the stare), "JACK!! How are you doing this!!! You're incredible, no one will ever be able to defeat you! Master of Awesomeness, sir Jack."

. . .since that day the boys often refer to Jack as Master of Awesomeness. Boo-ya.

P.S

 He also bathes in the great outdoors and yes sometimes by way of irrigation systems.

An after meal ritual.

Three to four times per day Jack manages to find himself here; in our kitchen sink. Eating is, after all quite a messy operation. One that he engages in with such vigor that it often leaves me as an awed spectator. Picture me tossing food onto his tray and practically while the food is still mid-air being snatched up by dimpled hungry hands. Frantically grabbing handful after handful and shoving it deftly into his mouth. So much that he will often use his forearm to hold it all in while chewing takes place.

Once the frenzy has past it is usually quite a scene. Loyal Duke is on the scene with a willing heart, ready to do his part. Jack sits in one side of the sink, splashing and aiding in cup and spoon washing. I leave a small stream of water going for him to play with.

Could he be more darling?!

That is all.

How't that tasting, Jack?

It's amazing to me how music can just take you right back. Still to this day every time I hear Annie Lennox's song, Why I am immediately transported back to sixth grade. My best friend's (at the time :)) mother had just passed away. We would lay on her bed, stare at the ceiling and drown sorrows as we listened.

Today I was doing dishes, (yay!) and on came Adele's song Make you feel my love and I remembered, one year ago. . .

 I would listen to this song and feel so many emotions for my Jack. Such a random bouquet of emotions too; sadness, fear, love, hope, pride. I loved this baby so much; but I worried, would he be able to know and to feel of my love for him?

I played this song over and over again as I slowly indulged all of my emotions.

Hearing it today reminded me of those hard days, not in a factual remembering sense but more of an emotional remembering. I remember the feeling of how much my heart was literally hurting. Those same feelings came rushing back to me and it was strange; here they were but they were, how do I say?...out of place. Not in step with the emotions of my life as it is now.

The song played on as I finished up my dishes, washed Jack's hands off from his lunch and gave him a huge raspberry in his neck. As soon as my lips touched his neck he begins to giggle. Then once the vibrations of the raspberry spread he explodes into belly laughs. He is unable to contain his joy. Oh, how I want to bottle this moment.

He can feel my love.

Which, is going to be awesome for him, because there is mountains of it.

These photos have nothing to do with each other.

O and J

His first piggie.

Another one bites the dust; Mr. Mead has just extended his lease on piggies. Could the rider be any cuter?!

I had been dreading this day since May 15th 2011.

Then it came and I loved it.

***Antelope Canyon, at the Heart***

When I first found out that Jack had down syndrome one of my (many) irrational fears was that strangers would recognized that Jack had Down Syndrome and think they knew everything about my son. I thought they would look at him with pity. Worse than that though; I thought they would think that Down Syndrome is the most important thing about my Jackie.

I'm sure that before today strangers looked at Jack and recognized that he had Down Syndrome, but today a woman felt confident enough that he did to talk to me about it. She was a darling grandma. I was sitting in a chair (okay it was a pedicure chair), Jack was in his carseat on the ground playing around with a toy. She came over, sat down on the ground and was cooing and talking with Jack. After about a minute she looked up at me and told me all about another little boy that she knew and loved with Down Syndrome.

She came alive chatting about her Jason. She told stories about how he wanted chum ubba a tweee (climb up a tree).  She was so enamored with Jack that I realized IT (someone recognizing he has Down Syndrome) had happened and I DIDN'T even notice!

***the first time we lost Jack since he's started crawling***

Things almost always are never as bad as you think they will be. A stranger saw Jack and knew one thing about him. Jack's charm drew her in and she learned another thing about him; that he loves saying  shouting da da dad dadadad while shaking his fists at the heavens. We lovingly call him the preacher. He usually gets going in the high chair, shaking and pounding his fists calling all to repentance.

Conversely, the good in life is always sweeter and better than you imagine. Jack is growing up; our days are filled with these joys. . . watching him first learn to crawl, going into his crib to get him up from his nap to find him sitting up all by himself for the first time, buying his first size three diapers, having a literal wrestling match while nursing him because HE CANNOT SIT STILL for even a minute, and the best: waving bye bye to him to see him take his hands and slowly open and close them over and over again then turn to you and wave bye bye while smiling ear to ear.

This is living.

Grandma and VV come!