Dear babies;

Dear babies is a new thing I'm doing!!! It's a weekly (hopefully) letter where I opine about life, things I've learned and any other random tidbit I'm wanting to pass along to Owie, Luker, Rubby and Jackie pad.

Eda and I conquering Camelback Mountain last week

Dear babies,

Your dad and I love to take walks together, when we were at Utah State we lived in married student housing that was right next to a cemetery. Little do you guys know but your dad and I are night owls, WE COME ALIVE AT NIGHT (immediately after we put y'all in bed at 7:30----it's party time). Well, quite often around one or two am we'd take long walks around that cemetery and the Utah State campus. We no longer walk around a cemetery but we still love to be out late at night together walking around. We chat about everything and nothing but our walk yesterday got me thinking. . .

We were talking about faith and times in our life where we felt embarrassed by our lack of faith in Heavenly Father. The first one was back in Chad's first year of law school. He had applied for law review; painstakingly written his paper (like a solid month---written), gotten high grades, praying and fasting our little hearts out and we were waiting and waiting and WAITING to hear if he'd made it.

News trickled in for one friend, then another, they were in. Two more days passed, no news for us. Hours into the third day of waiting and hope was lost. We felt that we had done our part, done everything within our power, drawn upon the powers of the Lord to no avail. Then, within the hour of losing faith we got word----Chad was in. He had made it. We knew that being on law review would be a pivotal part in his career and it happened.

Immediately upon getting word we both felt ashamed. Ashamed that we had lost faith in our Heavenly father to bless us with our righteous desire.

The next thing that we reminisced about though was a little different than this situation.

Having faith in Heavenly Father to bless you with the desires of your heart is one thing but what about having faith when Heavenly Father has a different plan for you than what your heart desires? Lemme tell you what, that's a hard pill to swallow!

When we moved from our beloved Texas to Arizona we were so sad!!! We loved our lives there, I was expecting Jackie pad and we thought we had it all. Soon after we moved to Arizona we found out Jackie had down syndrome and needed to have heart surgery. A cloud of sadness encompassed us. . . we felt alone. Many tears were shed, our burdens and a heaviness of heart zapped the joy from our days. Those days turned into weeks as time passed. Jackie came and showed us just how wrong we were, about all of it.

The desert that once appeared barren and desolate now radiated in every direction. The thing is; whether it be the desert, Jackie's condition or whatever it may be: those things didn't change. What changed was our ability to see what was always there. Let go of what you desire and open yourself to a bigger dream God may have for you. A better one.

Have faith that your Father in Heaven loves you, knows you and has big big big wonderful things in store for you. . .even if at first it doesn't appear that way.

****
One more thought for today before I go, a quick word on tattoos dear babies. There's the whole argument --your body is a temple so don't defile it, blah blah blah. While I would also agree with this belief I have one more to add. The thing is; we change, we get older and our interests change. When asked by friends about this subject I always say, "for me, I don't feel that strongly about anything that I want to wear it for the next eighty four years (yes, I'm planning on living for A LONG TIME), I'm too fickle."And, dear babies, you are too. If you ever find yourself in a tattoo parlor about to pull the trigger on a: Chinese symbol, Tweety bird, anything on the small of your back remember this---->

When Owie was four he freaking loved loved loved, thought he'd never get over it loved, played and wanted everything in the world to be. . .Dora the Explorer.

You've cat to be kitten me right meow.

Always remember. . .mama loves you.

Antelope Canyon.

Continuing July's outdoors theme on our way to Utah we stayed for two days in Lake Powell. While there we went to Antelope Canyon. Antelope Canyon is on an Indian reservation so they only let you go there with a tour guide.

My great Grandma Ella was a Shoshone Indian, I have her nose, cheekbones and temper. Being that I'm pretty much one of them  I feel like I can share stereotypes without being offensive. Right?

Right. Well we had a swell time. I've never been in any kind of slot canyons and the boys thought it was really cool. It was lost on Lily. Oh yeah, and our tour guide was drunk. And it was eight in the morning on a Sunday.

All true.

Teamwork.

By Chad

Fifteen years and counting baby! Look at how happy I am. This is the beginning of our annual family vacation. This year we visit San Diego, where we encountered perilous adventures.

One of our perilous adventures was our trip to Torrey Pines. There, we were immediately faced with the daunting choice of three parking lots. One at the bottom of the trail, one mid-way up and another at the top. Jamie decided to maximize the adventure by parking at the bottom; this way we wouldn't miss any of the trail excitement by driving up part of the way.

This turned out to be very prudent, because there was all sorts of nothing to see between the first parking lot and the second parking lot, and if we had parked at the first lot, this would have deprived Chad of the wonderful, wonderful experience of carrying his 20-pound-baby on top of his back with the 80-pound-backpack. (Plus, we would have missed the spectacular views of the pavement between the two lots.) Life, it's made up on these kinds of wonderful experiences. Don't take any chances, you might miss them.

Chad loves the babies and cares about their continued well being. Because of this he worries deeply about them falling from great heights to their deaths. But we cannot miss a photo opportunity. That's right kids, edge just a little closer to the precipice.

 Okay, as this picture shows, maybe the danger wasn't that great, but in person, it seemed a lot more dangerous. Jamie, of course, needs to encourage the kids to moonwalk back to safety, as Owen demonstrates here.

Chad's busy keeping them alive and I'm busy keeping them entertained.

Three for the price of one.

I will make them hate this.

In July we go away as part of a 'mother not losing her mind due to oppressive heat'. We've just returned to a weeks forecast of monsoon storms. . . .somebody's righteous living is finally paying off.

Together with Aunt VV, Ruffy and Chika (the dogs) we took this crew for a family friendly two hour hike. Two qualities I love about Aunt VV: is she is up for anything, and she has a ridiculous level of confidence in those she loves.

We decided to tackled Adams Canyon hike to the waterfall on a Wednesday afternoon. The hike started out rough; there were about a forty minutes of switchbacks under the full sun at a pretty steep incline. We.were.not.deterred.

We tried to make it enjoyable. Stopping and cooling our feet in a stream under some shade.  While eating some apples VV noticed a ton of bees surrounding us. Hastily we got our shoes back on and continued our journey up up up. Minutes turned into hours and our water supply was dwindling.

Three hours in we were out of water. Upon seeing other hikers returning we'd ask "how much farther to the waterfall?" Some were more encouraging than others, all offered praise for doing such a challenging hike with a baby and three little ones. We were spent. Totally exhausted and everyone was getting desperate for water. Looking down at the clock we gave ourselves fifteen more minutes to reach our goal, even if we didn't make it we'd have to turn back.

We raced off with new vigor, determined to not give up. We covered quite a bit of ground and I was so impressed with Owen, Luke and Lily. They dug deep and we pushed on. Twenty minutes we reached a point where it was so steep that we were basically crawling up the mountain, with Jack on my back I knew it was time to stop.

I hated quitting. I sat down on the trail with Luke and Lily, Vicky and Owen scouted out a few minutes up the mountain to see if we were closing in on our goal. I sat there hoping we were. They returned with the news that we were another thirty minutes away and it only got steeper and less of a trail and more gigantic boulders.

Quittin time.

As we walked down the trail I knew it was the right call. We had given it everything but come up short.  Which, in life is okay. Win some, you lose some. Four hours and fifteen minutes and we never saw the waterfall.

On the way down we chatted about when we finally got some water how we were going to drink it, what size glass we would use, whether we'd wait and get cold filtered water or guzzle it from the hose next to the front door.

It was a trying, difficult experience but I was such a proud mama of how tough my little ones were; mentally and physically. They pushed themselves, and that was better to see than any waterfall.

It was a white Christmas after all.

Y'all remember that we surprised the kids with a trip to the snow for Christmas. It was so great! Some things we do, we do like, once, but this; this is going to become a Christmas tradition. Except I probably wouldn't stay the night next time, just go up, sled and come back (too much kids stuff!!!)

We went to Flagstaff, a two hour drive away about noon on Christmas day. The kids brought along their newly acquired electronic devices so that made for a very very quiet drive. Chad and I enjoyed it immensely.

We stayed at the Little America there, which is darling. beautifully decorated rooms and large too, which for all these little ones makes for a very comfortable stay. Even, though now having four kids we have graduated to two hotel rooms. The three oldest stayed in the room adjoining our with two queen size beds and Chad and I and Jack in a room with a king.

I realized how freaking spoiled my children are all going to be when it was time for bed. Two beds: three children. Luke was so disgusted at the thought of sharing a QUEEN size bed that he opted to sleep on the floor. I told him that when I was growing up I stayed in a hotel room with eight people and two beds.

Impossible. He still does not believe that this is true.

Before we got to the whole sleeping issues there was. . .snow! We got there, checked in and set off to find some snow for sledding. Quite a bunch we were. We went with our friends the Yorks, they have two teenage daughters so our hot mess of a family looked even more out of control next to theirs. Oh well.

The first spot we went was littered with many large trees along the path. Not exactly the safest place to go flying down a hill at top speeds. But, you totally know we did! Come-on, we're the Meads after all!

We got our thrill on here for a time, with Chad and Aaron manning the trees to serve as human blockades to potential brain damage. I even managed to totally wipe Aaron out when Lily and I went down, to which she exclaimed, "YEAH!!! That was awesome, lets go again!"

That's my girl!

We found another hill after this one, which had no trees but; well, it was a teenisey bit steep. Upon pulling up Aaron was saying no way, no way, everyone back in the car. I was already halfway up the hill at this point. I sit down and thanks to some extra baby weight, got about seven feet airborne off the jump at the bottom.

Needless to say, everyone had an awesome time! We coerced everyone to the big hill and had a great time. Went out for some yummy food and since it was Christmas day, we had, Chinese! Sweet, thank goodness for other cultures! Since it was one of two places in the entire town that was open it took no less than three hours for dinner and they literally served it plate by plate with twenty minute increments between servings. We gave the definition of family style dining a run for it's money.

The next day brought more sledding, vomit, breastfeeding in public. Ya, know; a normal day. Makes you want to travel with the Mead's eh.

A love letter to Arizona.

We've kind of gotten off to a rocky start. I was sick with pregnancy. You were hot. I missed my friends so so much, I missed my kids having friends. You were lonely place. I missed knowing where every cool store was. You were hot. I missed Becky. You were dusty. I missed my weekly tennis games. I missed our wonderful babysitter who came every Saturday night and loved us so well and we loved her. You had scorpions. I missed going to yoga everyday with an amazing instructor. You weren't Texas.

But. You do have mountains. And I love mountains. So much. I've missed being near them more than I realized.

If you look closely at this picture you'll see Owen and Luke way up there.

View from my patio. The desert can be beautiful if you look for it. I can feel myself almost softening. Opening up to the possibility of Arizona. The possibility that I could actually grow to love it here. It's hard to say that. Silly though, but it almost feels like I'm cheating on my love for Texas.

I've realized over these past months that while I loved many many things about Texas what I loved most were the people and connections I had there. My people as Lily says. But, while I miss those people everyday, there are people here too. . .


Making good friends is a process that takes time. There are no shortcuts to getting to know somebody. Seeing if you connect and understand each other. Developing a sort of shorthand communication. Laughing and getting each other. It just takes time.

No way around it, the process of blooming where you're planted can sometimes, be a painful, lonely time. For me, it's been compounded by a time in my life when I've felt I could have really used my friends shoulders to lean on. To be strong for me when I can no longer bear what I am called to bear. I'm better now, but still writing this down tears well up, unbidden to my eyes. It has been hard. But mostly, it's just been lonely.


I've always been a social creature. I'm so used to seeing my girlfriends everyday. Doing fun stuff with them every week. Going to parties, get-togethers, waving at them while riding by on my bike, shopping trips together, impromptu lunch, meeting up at the park, taking walks with them, putting on our workout clothes to go and hit it hard only to wind up sitting down for an hour on the grass chatting.

Mick Jagger's song comes to mind, You can't always get what you want, but, sometimes, you get what you need.


I know one day I will have this again. These connections with people. That I'll drive around in my car (now a mini-van, no wonder I'm having an identity crisis) and I'll have someone to wave to as I drive by. Eventually. And! I'll still have all those people in Texas.


While I will always have passionate love for Texas (Texans if you didn't already know are fiercely proud of Texas) I'm developing a love for Arizona. It's almost like the love you have for your children. You love different things about them, their own special qualities that makes them, them. But, you still love all of them, just differently.

For now though, I feel gratitude for the mountains. My doors are always open as the perfectly comfortable, lovely air wafts through my house. I can hear the vague sounds of my children playing in the desert. Running wild, finding creatures, building forts, climbing mountains. . .being children. This, this is the childhood I've envisioned for them, and that, my friends is, as Mick says"sometimes. . .you might just find you get what you need".

Arizona, you're growing on me. . .